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after the rain - tanka


goldenlangur
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goldenlangur

after days of rain

outline of the first crescent

in the setting sun

I look at your smiling lips

and remember our first kiss

 

 

goldenlangur

goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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Aleksandra

Ah how emotional and lovely tanka goldenlangur. I loved. Very picturesque and sounds perfect. Wonderful imageries. How romantic end.

 

Very powerful and emotionally strong

 

Aleksandra

The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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Larsen M. Callirhoe

i agree with aleks. love the sutle touches of this tender poem.

 

larsen icon_bounce.gif

Larsen M. Callirhoe

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goldenlangur

Hi Aleksandra,

 

 

Thank you for your warm words of encouragement. I thought a change from the sombre tone of the other tanka I have posted, would be good. I'm so glad that you enjoyed the more life affirming note here,

 

 

goldenlangur

goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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goldenlangur

Hi larsen,

 

Always a pleasure to hear from you icon_biggrin.png I hope you're getting better and that we'll see more of your work here.

 

I'm delighted that you read the tenderness in this piece.

 

Thank you very much,

 

 

Take care, my friend and hope to read your work icon_smile.gif

 

 

goldenlangur

goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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The scenery in the first three lines are beautiful and I like how you described the rising moon in the setting sun. The ending lines are lovely.

 

Golden, please furnish me with some info on "tanka". Is it a haiku plus two more lines?

 

Thanks,

Lake

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goldenlangur

Hi Lake,

 

Thank you for your lovely response icon_smile.gif . I'm so glad that you like the images in the haiku part of the tanka.

 

Yes, the tanka has a haiku in the opening two/three lines and then a turn in image in the second half. It is a five line Japanese form with the syllable count of 5 7 5 77; but most contemporary tanka writers use a range of line lengths - short, long, short, long, long or free form which does not use the syllable count rule.

 

The tanka is lyrical and uses metaphors, similes, but with restraint and more subtly than "like a ..." kind of reference.

 

Here's a link for a great tanka site:

 

http//www.tankaonline.com

 

I hope you'll give this form a try icon_smile.gif

 

 

goldenlangur

goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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goldenlangur

How lovely of you to say this!

 

Tinker wrote:

This is sooooo romantic gl. A new side of you. I like it.

 

~~Tink

 

You've made me smile - a big one icon_smile.gif

 

 

Thank you very much,

 

 

goldenlangur

goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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I know the feeling well, Golden:

after days of rain

outline of the first crescent

in the setting sun

Oppressive low-pressure weather system lifts and gives way to a blue-sky high-pressure dome, culminating in a glorious sunset! icon_biggrin.png I, too, enjoyed the surprise romantic ending.

 

Tony icon_smile.gif

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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goldenlangur

Hi Tony,

 

 

I'm so glad that the scene in the tanka works for you. The first crescent is magical and after days of rain, a sighting is sublime!

 

Re the 'romantic ending' - I've been writing such morose tanka recently so I thought I'd try something else for a change.

 

Thank you for the read and your thoughts.

 

 

goldenlangur

goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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Hi Golden,

 

Thanks for your info and the link. I think I have a better understanding of tanka now. Will definitely try it some time.

 

Thanks again,

Lake

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