goldenlangur Posted November 14, 2010 Share Posted November 14, 2010 Last things Lace of white under rain clouds - a strand of hope. The storm then hits the ground booms in the valley, drums the tin roof. At last light the frenzy of birds. A sharpness to their notes, fury in their dash home. The trees become a distant line. Eyes flick out light. Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted November 14, 2010 Share Posted November 14, 2010 It's dusk, and I can feel the coming of the night, especially in the last lines: The trees become a distant line.Eyes flick out light. I know the feeling, Goldenlangur ... The title is slightly ominous, but fitting. It piques the reader's curiosity. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted November 15, 2010 Share Posted November 15, 2010 Very good imagery and very effective. It feels like a scary night... Deep poem, GL. Aleksandra Quote The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted November 15, 2010 Share Posted November 15, 2010 Hi GL, Great imagery! The storm then hits the ground booms in the valley, drums the tin roof. I know these sounds, winter is almost here and this poem was a reminder of what I have to look forward to. Not my favorite time of year but it makes a good subject for a poem. ~~Tink Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted November 16, 2010 Author Share Posted November 16, 2010 Hi Tony, I love how you read this piece: It's dusk, and I can feel the coming of the night, ... The title is slightly ominous, but fitting. It piques the reader's curiosity. Tony I am always delighted and surprised when reader brings a perspective, quite unexpected, to a piece. Thank you. Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted November 16, 2010 Author Share Posted November 16, 2010 Hi Aleksandra, I am pleased that the dark/scary element came across for you: ... It feels like a scary night... Deep poem, GL. Aleksandra I have often been struck by the heightened sense of things in a cusp kind of situation - the white in the clouds before the black storm clouds unleash their might, the intensity in the bird song and activity at dusk and I wondered if when one closes one's eyes for the last time if the scene might be more of a fading away in contrast to the drama that nature offers us. Thank you. Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted November 16, 2010 Author Share Posted November 16, 2010 (edited) Hi Tink, So glad that the imagery works. How wonderful that this reminded you of the force of storms in your part of the world: I know these sounds, winter is almost here and this poem was a reminder of what I have to look forward to. Not my favorite time of year but it makes a good subject for a poem. ~~Tink I think it's great that we have many things in common, no matter which part of the world we are in. :D Thank you. Edited November 16, 2010 by goldenlangur Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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