Jump to content
Poetry Magnum Opus

First Snow on a Saturday Morning


Lake
 Share

Recommended Posts

First Snow on a Saturday Morning

 

The drips from the eaves,

the drops of white mass

from the trees wake up

the quiet morning.

Oaks and maples shed

their leftovers, littering

the fresh snow.

Evergreens humbly bring

their limbs close

to their bodies,

while shrubs prostrate

themselves, like

remnants of an army.

I take out a shovel,

inch along the driveway.

The snow is mud heavy

with rain. Suddenly,

I am attacked

by an avalanche.

It must be the snow,

unhappy with removal,

taking revenge on me.

I straighten up,

smiling. The sky is

written with bold strokes

of silent boughs.

All is quiet, except

the swirling leaves,

the sieving snow,

a stranded car, and

my deep breathing.

The world is tired.

 

 

.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well composed, Lake. I like the poem's logical progression, how you describe the segment of time, that Saturday morning with the season's first snowfall, and how you introduce the human element (you) into the mix. And I love how you personify the various trees, the way they "shed their leftovers," "bring their limbs close to their bodies," and "prostrate themselves" like "remnants of an army." The last lines are inspired --

 

... The sky is

written with bold strokes

of silent boughs.

All is quiet, except

the swirling leaves,

the sieving snow,

a stranded car, and

my deep breathing.

The world is tired.

-- and transport me into that Saturday morning. Yes, the world is tired, tree, car, and shoveler alike.

 

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I straighten up,

smiling. The sky is

written with bold strokes

of silent boughs.

All is quiet, except

the swirling leaves,

the sieving snow,

a stranded car, and

my deep breathing.

The world is tired.

 

Me too, I especially liked these particular lines,

once I got the snow from out of the back of my shirt :)

brrr

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Frank E Gibbard

Palpable cold share through your description Lake, a great capture of experience, much appreciated brrr, winter unwonderland. Wonderful though.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Captured perfectly Lake! Love the immersion, the clear language, the perfect expression...

 

Well played,

 

DC&J

thegateless.org Come on over and check out my poetry substack y'all;-) Or if your bored, head to the Zazzle store: https://www.zazzle.com/store/gateless. If you buy anything I lose a bet, so consider that before you violate the digital rules.

 

Gate(less.png

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Larsen M. Callirhoe

masterful poem lake put me in a wonderland trance.

Larsen M. Callirhoe

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Lake,

 

There's a serenity in your poem that is soothing and indeed commendable. You take a moment and explore it in all its intense details.

 

I love the images here:

 

Evergreens humbly bring

their limbs close

to their bodies,

while shrubs prostrate

themselves, like

remnants of an army.

 

The gentle humour here is lovely!:

 

... Suddenly,

I am attacked

by an avalanche.

It must be the snow,

unhappy with removal,

taking revenge on me.

 

 

I enjoyed this.

 

 

Thank you.

goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dear, Lake. Very picturesque and you captured the moment, the mood very nicely. I wonder if you were watching some photography and you painted with words... It's very powerful with its imagery and lyrical expressions.

 

Great poem.

 

Aleksandra

The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't care for this poem very much but I like your poetry in general. You have a soft beneficient touch, a sort of withdrawn almost classical Chinese air, not a bit like the noisy clattering Chinese of the present day with whom I have had the mixed joys and blessings of direct contact. Beijing (Peking) is nevertheless a city of endless fascination. I admire and appreciate your aesthetic stance -- which I am not too dim-witted and distanced to understand -- but I still belong to a different world of pubs and guns and the IRA. We grew up in different ways. Lucky people have a choice. Nevertheless, some of us have the knack of working our way out of things. I am grateful for your kind comments on some of my poems. I take a keen interest in what you are doing as well because from early days I sensed your deep interest in the Far East. I live in Japan, as you know, and it is fascinating. Not a day goes by when I don't learn something new. The down side is that most Japanese don't understand and almost fear us ... gaijin, foreigners ... well, no, that's not altogether true. They are embarrassed because they have studied English for six years in Junior and Senior High School and cannot carry on the most basic simple conversation, bless their little socks. The key is to learn Japanese. Like ... duh! Sure, but it takes five years, minimum, and even then you are like 8th grade elementary. Oh, dear me, the stories I could tell ....maybe later.

 

Slán anois,

Brendan (dedalus)

Drown your sorrows in drink, by all means, but the real sorrows can swim

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Lake, I am on a marathon of reading and commenting on poetry and I saved this one for last becuase your poems often put me in a "zen" mood. Your chosen title, told me this one would be one of those lovely descriptive pieces.

 

Well that is the way it begins although my very first reaction was the lines should have been longer, it would give the poem a fluidity that I think it lacks. But the imager is beautiful and I wanted to linger there. Then you start digging in the snow and get attacked by falling snow and your car won't start and the serenity was gone but your get me back there in the silence of the last lines.

 

I especially love these lines.

 

The sky is

written with bold strokes

of silent boughs.

 

I have only seen snow up close and personal on about 10 different occasions in my entire lifetime and I am no spring chicken. It always appears so lovely in pictures, so serene. But the reality is, it is wet and cold and messy and you show both sides in this poem.

 

~~Tink

~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

Link to comment
Share on other sites

...but this is not tired writing, opens into a narrative that engages the reader to read again. The poem has an absense of noise, clutter, and that is to my taste.

 

badge

Edited by badger11
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sorry, everyone for the late reply. I am indebted to all of your read and comment.

 

Tony, you are always perceptive to others' works and I am glad with your take of personification and a mix of nature and human elements in this poem. Thanks.

 

rumisong, Thank you for your nod on these lines. Appreciated.

 

Lake

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Frank, thanks for your comment. Yes, winter wonderland.

 

Dr. C, thank you for liking the clear language.

 

Victor, hope this poem will bring some wonder to you. Take care.

 

Golden, Glad you see the serenity and humor in it. Good catch.

 

Alek, glad you think it is picturesque. It is a real personal experience.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hello Brendan,

 

I'm grateful to your interest in my writing and I believe what you say is honest. It seems that you either don't say much or keep going on like the great river rolling on and on... I agree this one is not that good, I think I need to take a break and com back again. Time for me to have a change. Sometimes, I'm tired of my writing style.

 

It is such a fun thing for people from different background coming together and sharing their experience, isn't it? I'm amused that your Japanese students could not carry on the basic conversation after six years of English study, even having you as their teacher? Obviously, it is not easy to master a language especially when you are not in that environment.

 

Anyway, enjoy talking with you.

 

Best wishes and

Slán anois (though I have no idea what it means),

 

Lake

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Tinker, I am also on a marathon of reading comment and replying. This is the last but not least. Actually, I did have a longer line version to start with and I didn't know why I changed it. Maybe I should go back and have another look to see which suits better to this subject. Thank you for your opinion.

 

Many thanks.

Lake

Link to comment
Share on other sites

http://' target="_blank">I think most of us who experience the snow will understand its silent transformation and the closeness of nature it brings. Your poem develops through this stage and the balanced, personalized humour works well in the the lines, “suddenly, I am attacked by an avalanche. It must be the snow, unhappy with removal,taking revenge on me.” The last six lines bring home the awkward practicalities that come with snow. The poem flows well in a good choice of language. An entertaining read. Benjamin

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Guidelines.