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puddle reflections


dr_con
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puddle reflections

 

just because i see the pattern

doesn’t mean it doesn’t repeat

repeat repeat the whole Moon

in these puddle puddle puddle

distracts from the sun sun sun

high reflection of some space

dotted with light light light dark

-really pulls out your colors

 

beneath the surface is our debt

debt debt tension divides scene

from un un un the Director pulls

back back back all fades black

black black just before dark i

see the pattern it doesn’t

repeat repeat

repeat

thegateless.org Come on over and check out my poetry substack y'all;-) Or if your bored, head to the Zazzle store: https://www.zazzle.com/store/gateless. If you buy anything I lose a bet, so consider that before you violate the digital rules.

 

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I like the experimental spirit of this-- Ive not seen this done myself (but Im not terribly well read anyway)

 

I have to say, for me, the repeating pattern is more reminiscent of a children's skip-rope song--

interspersed with the serious poet and his adult intent, sort of ends up a bit stranger than Im able to get my voice around--

 

like watching that guy on the park bench who just watches the children playing all day, but without an empathetic innocence that would make us feel comfortable with him there-- more of a creepy guy--

 

thats what the repeats and the poetic words mingled here do for me...

 

Ill read it again later, and see if I can hear it differently then

Edited by rumisong
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Hi DC,

 

This is very cleverly done - the repetition of the words imitating the theme and title of your poem.

 

Great opening which sets the tone of the piece well:

 

just because i see the pattern

doesn’t mean it doesn’t repeat

repeat repeat the whole Moon

in these puddle puddle puddle

 

 

 

Thank you.

goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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Tony- You perfectly read the mood, which I believed wasn't in the poem- So well done!

Rumi, exactly!

Golden- Yes exactly;-)

 

Many Thanks All!

 

J&DC

thegateless.org Come on over and check out my poetry substack y'all;-) Or if your bored, head to the Zazzle store: https://www.zazzle.com/store/gateless. If you buy anything I lose a bet, so consider that before you violate the digital rules.

 

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Very interesting, and new for me, Juris. I enjoyed so much and I'm reading it again and again. Thank you.

 

Aleksandra

The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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puddle reflections

 

just because i see the pattern

doesn't mean it doesn't repeat

repeat repeat the whole Moon

in these puddle puddle puddle

distracts from the sun sun sun

high reflection of some space

dotted with light light light dark

-really pulls out your colors

 

beneath the surface is our debt

debt debt tension divides scene

from un un un the Director pulls

back back back all fades black

black black just before dark i

see the pattern it doesn't

repeat repeat

repeat

 

Hi DC, I like the compact form you used for this piece, it gives focus to the tight reflection and gives me the feeling trying to hold it together. The repetition reminds me of ripples in water, very effective.

 

~~Tink

~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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