Incomplete

[Tinker]

Incomplete

Soft waves of midnight hair
frame her dawning face.
Eyes in submissive grace,
beauty silenced.
---------- ---Judi Van Gorder

Marathi Region-Abhanga

[waxwings]

Can't help but feel the poem is fraught with your emotional reaction to the picture. But the words do not reveal what the rection is. You tell us what your mind's eye sees/stipulates what her demeanor might imply. Mechanically, I say, try making the third line the first and then, perforce, make ( u.c. B) the last line an independent, complete statement.

 

I am not able to grasp what would a 'dawning' face be like. Regardless , I was moved by the depth and honesty of your compassion for the woman depicted.

Edited January 23, 2011 by waxwings

[Benjamin]

Hi Tink.

I commented elsewhere recently on someone's picture and poem format, is it a trend?

The poem in itself is 'incomplete' without the picture. Your tactful use of “dawning face” “submissive grace” and “beauty silenced” breath life and meaning into the picture. Bring to mind ethnicity,arranged marriage and cultural differences. So many things for her to consider in her 'silence'. Unusual presentation but profound and meaningful. :icon_cool: Benjamin.

[Tinker]

Hi Ike, Thank you for the ideas... I did write this in a stanzaic form. When I copied the photo to meditate on, the word abhanga showed up in the url. Abhanga is a Maranthi stanzaic form of devotion and meditation. I had already written an example poem in the form but I couldn't pass up the fact that the name of a stanzaic form was connected to the photo.

 

The word abhanga means "the completion". So the title, the line sequence, the syllable count and the rhyme of L2 & L3 were all fated. ~~smile~~

 

~~Tink

[Tinker]

Hi Geoff, At World of Poets.com, they monthly put up a photo and challenge the members to write a poem inspired by the photo. This photo is the January challenge. I just wrote what I saw. And if you read my response to Ike, I chose the form from the url code of the photo. Yes, I agree, the poem is incomplete without the photo that is why I included it.

 

~~Tink

 

Oh and I think you are spot on with "arranged marriage", I believe the girl is a bride, the red veil, the ornament are indicative of an Indian bride.

[tonyv]

I like the picture/poem presentation, Tink. It functions as an artistic medium in itself, kind of like lyrics + music.

 

Tony

[dr_con]

A very nice piece Tinker- the ideogram and the poem- really just wonderful. Many Thanks Tinker!

 

DC&J

[waxwings]

Hi Ike, Thank you for the ideas... I did write this in a stanzaic form. When I copied the photo to meditate on, the word abhanga showed up in the url. Abhanga is a Maranthi stanzaic form of devotion and meditation. I had already written an example poem in the form but I couldn't pass up the fact that the name of a stanzaic form was connected to the photo.

 

The word abhanga means "the completion". So the title, the line sequence, the syllable count and the rhyme of L2 & L3 were all fated. ~~smile~~

 

~~Tink

 

The poem shows no evidence of a 'stanzaic form'. If you first wrote it that way, why not post it. It might be worth while.

 

I see poem as lacking a telling title, e.g., "Hindu(?) Bride". No matter how I like it, the use of the pic makes an immediate suggestion that you see the woman/her face as somehow incomplete, but unsure your poets vision does not come through w/o the pic.

 

That can be so, I have found, meeting such 'challenges' or, rather, 'stimuli' on another forum. For those not on the forum the poems were often undecypherable w/o a prior detailed description what the pic shows.

 

Once the title creates a suggestion of a tradition, a "dawning face" can be seen as a hidden promise of what is to come, some fulfillment, either to the bridegroom or his or her parents.

 

I feel unsure of what a "submissive" grace is. A graceful, even hopefully joyous submissiveness is more so in that tradition.

 

Of course, your emotional reaction may be to show that the bride is most unhappy.

 

Actually, I am sure I have missed a lot of what you were after and beg your tolerance for my ignorance.

[Aleksandra]

Wonderful short poem, Tinker. I loved the expressions and softness in this poem.

 

Aleksandra

[badger11]

I read this in a religious context, one dominated by men, that so often defines the role of women as secondary. The contrast of the expressive opening and abrupt conclusion framed the meaning perfectly.

 

badge