Jump to content
Poetry Magnum Opus

Clutter


badger11
 Share

Recommended Posts

Picture her room so free of bric-a-brac,

and memories in black and white now brim

the flowery bin, until like butterflies

softly his lies flutter to flame. Yet hear

within this warming glove a sigh unwraps

the hour, shivers the light. Like snow

it drapes her face: a pulse of solitude.

It's then she spies a silver trail, a straying snail,

so snug in brittle shell it knows no sigh,

no lover's pride adorns its crisp demise.

Find Mary's room so cleansed of bric-a-brac.

Edited by badger11
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Badge, I really enjoyed reading this. I thought it a little strange. It actually sounds light hearted almost whimsical yet when I read the piece carefully Mary is burning pictures, probably of her ex lover which would suggest anger though the poem doesn't sound angry at all. It warms her and she feels comfortable in her solitude. Then a little sadness because in the process of burning the image of her ex, she burns up an innocent snail. Eeeewhoo. What is a snail doing in her room? The demise of the snail is kind of a sick funny. Then maybe I misread it entirely.

 

I loved the form. The metric tercets were great but what was best was the nonrhyme that gave me the sound of rhyme.. brac/brim/flame sigh/snow/solitude snail/sigh/demise brac/black brim/bin snail/snug sigh/pride.

 

This was really good. ~~Tink

~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Many thanks Tink. The poem is about...this is one of the most important responses to me because I want to know how the poem communicates, what succeeds and what does not in terms of intention, if indeed the poem has its own intention. However, I was particularly pleased you enjoyed and highlighted my games with sound.

 

all the best

 

badge

Edited by badger11
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Perhaps Mary is a bit envious of the snail's carefree existence?

 

Hi Tony

 

I wouldn't say she was envious or that the snail is 'carefree'. I guess it depends whether she believes a 'sigh' colours life...or a death...or if ignorance/indifference/detachment...unwareness...acceptance without regret...but then the snail did stray from the garden!

 

badge

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A most enjoyable piece which observes well the 'show don't tell' ethic. A tactful mixture of rich vowel sounds and sibilance. I particularly liked “unwraps the hour, shivers the light.” Benjamin

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, badge, this is a very ambitious poem, in some way. :) I loved the sound of solitude, and the way how this poem is straight but still it holds some part that makes its reader curious, which I loved.

 

Wonderful Mary poem :). I like Mary, a lot.

 

Aleksandra

The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A most enjoyable piece which observes well the 'show don't tell' ethic. A tactful mixture of rich vowel sounds and sibilance. I particularly liked "unwraps the hour, shivers the light." Benjamin

 

Thank you Benjamin. I little indulgent by me, but I enjoyed the fun...

 

cheers

 

badge

Link to comment
Share on other sites

and the way how this poem is straight but still it holds some part that makes its reader curious

 

Appreciated Aleks. I'm always seeking that balance between direct and indirect. Pleased the poem aroused your curiousity...

 

badge :wine2:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Guidelines.