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Poetry Magnum Opus

ACROSS SPACE AND TIME


waxwings
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The whole darn world was ours to cherish,

and damsels in distress, ours to defend,

the future ours, while all our foes would perish.

There was a time! And you, a trusted friend.

 

We took no time to think, ran to discover

what lay ahead of us, just past the bend-–

a great adventure! or, perhaps, a lover?

 

Now we fend off our friendship’s end

with letters . . . which we write . . .but seldom send.

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Hello waxwings.

You capture well the solidarity and camaraderie of youth, the ideals, urgency and expectations of the young. People come into and go out of our lives constantly, slings and arrows and all that. A few blinks and years pass, contact diminishes. The end couplet seems to indicate a poignant yet gentle acceptance of what time has stolen.

I am a little confused though: Is this a variation? The alternating female/masculine line ends (which I like) remind me a little of Pushkin's Onegin Stanza which is written in iambic tetrameter. Is there a specific reason for the 4 beats of L1 and L9 ? “"The whole darn world was ours to cherish," "Now we fend off our friendship's end". The thrice used "ours" and single "our" used in the opening stanza, (arguably,) give a positive attitude which after the pivot, is balanced very well by the tone of the end couplet.

Edited by Benjamin
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I remember this poem, Ikars. It appeared here last year and was titled "The Unsent Letter." But perhaps you're looking for some additional input from some of the newer members. And that's a good thing. I see that Benjamin has already replied.

 

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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Hello waxwings.

You capture well the solidarity and camaraderie of youth, the ideals, urgency and expectations of the young. People come into and go out of our lives constantly, slings and arrows and all that. A few blinks and years pass, contact diminishes. The end couplet seems to indicate a poignant yet gentle acceptance of what time has stolen.

I am a little confused though: Is this a variation? The alternating female/masculine line ends (which I like) remind me a little of Pushkin's Onegin Stanza which is written in iambic tetrameter. Is there a specific reason for the 4 beats of L1 and L9 ? “"The whole darn world was ours to cherish," "Now we fend off our friendship's end". The thrice used "ours" and single "our" used in the opening stanza, (arguably,) give a positive attitude which after the pivot, is balanced very well by the tone of the end couplet.

 

Thanks for your insightful comments.

 

I once won second prize for a sonnet and was told that the poem was outstanding but could not garner the grand prize due to some feminine rhymes.

 

My reaction is that I believe a poem writes itself esp. when the author is erudite enough and has been at it for sufficient time to not have to count the syllables and stresses nor look for rhymes in the rhyming dictionary and does not employ the classic tricks/tropes except unconsciously.

 

In that vein, I am much given to hearing the overall rhythm/meter/cadence of my poems, and it is not always the length of the line that makes it a musical equal/complement to the others. Billy Christal in his most excellent tome on the English language speaks of dominantly falling or rising stress of lines within a poem regardles of whether it is possible or not to break the line into defined metric feet.

 

There is a Pushkin Sonnet, but I do not now recall the specifics, and it is likely to remind one of the Onegin stanza.

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One of the most foolish of all ideas held by the young, this is one of the saddest, "there's plenty of time". There isn't, is there?

 

So well done, I love this and will read many times, just to feel the constrictions of my own heart for those lost to me.

 

An excellent piece of life, well done.

 

mq

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