moonqueen Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 (edited) time and circumstance no definitive beginning, certainly no tangible end. drawn in by a smooth fade to crystal clear haze, cheated by time and circumstance. life, as it pertains has made a radical turn. i cannot give leave of the scrap in my hand. the man in the moon should have known better, the direction my oneiric winds blow might change at any time. i bleed out loud. 02-10-11 ©tlp 2010 Edited February 16, 2011 by moonqueen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fdelano Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 time and circumstance no definitive beginning, certainly no tangible end. drawn in by a smooth fade to crystal clear haze, cheated by time and circumstance. life, as it pertains has made a radical turn. i cannot give leave of the scrap in my hand. that man in the moon should have known better, the direction my oneiric winds blow might change at any time. i bleed out loud. 02-10-11 ©tlp 2010 I am incapable of giving poetic criticism to this work, only to say that I am touched by its very personal message. "I bleed out loud" cries out to the "scrap in your hand." Thank you for this moment, aching though it is. franklin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 Moonqueen- Nice to read you again- Very personal indeed yet done with style and grace... Enjoyed, Dr. Con & Juris Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 Time and circumstance -- I like how this one wavers somewhere between fatalism and determinism. I also enjoyed the somewhat detached presentation. Welcome, Moonqueen. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjamin Posted February 12, 2011 Share Posted February 12, 2011 Welcome Moonqueen. :icon_sunny: This goes well with your pseudonym. I like the way your title blends with the opening lines and shall enjoy reading this poem over. G. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moonqueen Posted February 12, 2011 Author Share Posted February 12, 2011 (edited) Franklin, Doc (good to see you, again), Tony (thanks for the welcome, sir) and Benjamin, thanks to all of you for the time it took you to read and comment on my work. It is much appreciated. Edited March 10, 2011 by moonqueen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larsen M. Callirhoe Posted February 13, 2011 Share Posted February 13, 2011 i feel like this exactly. doesn't it seem like we all get crucified going in circles. then we wake up from this dream and see reality. just be... do we really know right from wrong! +Victor Michael Quote Larsen M. Callirhoe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moonqueen Posted February 13, 2011 Author Share Posted February 13, 2011 i feel like this exactly. doesn't it seem like we all get crucified going in circles. then we wake up from this dream and see reality. just be... do we really know right from wrong! +Victor Michael Thanks for stopping by, I appreciate the attention to my work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 Wow Moonqueen, I bleed out loud. , those are powerful words... they trump the whole poem...What a cry! ~~Tink Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 Hello, Moonqueen! I like the end part, also. It's interesting how the end is leading the poem. Interesting title, too. Aleksandra Quote The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waxwings Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 [Engaging idea, and the logic is irrefutable. Few bones: repeating title idea in poem hurts because a title should raise something like a question that the reader seeks answer to by reading the poem and then seeing why the title is what it is. The poem is significant and circles around something more profound, to me, not just time and circumstance. we know of the man-in-the-moon, but that man hints there could be more than one such. Seems the last two lines would have more impact if written as one. Welcome Queen of the Moon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moonqueen Posted February 16, 2011 Author Share Posted February 16, 2011 (edited) Tink & Aleksandra, thanks for reading my piece and taking the time to comment, I appreciate it, endlessly. ww, thanks to you, as well. I understand your feelings about my title. I have to tell you that while my imagination runs wild for most everything else I try to write, when it comes to titles, usually nothing happens. I don't know why. I have renamed dozens of my pieces because I felt they were not being read by others and realized that my titles are not always very enticing. When I grab a word or phrase from the work it's because I cannot seem to think of anything else that seems appropriate. I had "my" on the 'man in the moon' phrase originally and thought it appeared to possessive of what does not belong to me, I have taken your suggestion and gone back to the. I appreciate your kind words for the poem. "Queen of the Moon" (indeed) :Q Edited February 16, 2011 by moonqueen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waxwings Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 Tink & Aleksandra, thanks for reading my piece and taking the time to comment, I appreciate it, endlessly. ww, thanks to you, as well. I understand your feelings about my title. I have to tell you that while my imagination runs wild for most everything else I try to write, when it comes to titles, usually nothing happens. I don't know why. I have renamed dozens of my pieces because I felt they were not being read by others and realized that my titles are not always very enticing. When I grab a word or phrase from the work it's because I cannot seem to think of anything else that seems appropriate. I had "my" on the 'man in the moon' phrase originally and thought it appeared to possessive of what does not belong to me, I have taken your suggestion and gone back to the. I appreciate your kind words for the poem. "Queen of the Moon" (indeed) :Q August Homer (I think I may have the first name wrong) teaches in Iowa, titles one of his poems something like "Thoughts on my Way to the Hospital to Visit My Pregnant Ex-Wife" which he said was to avoid having people ask what the poem is about. Since this is not my poem I would not dare to suggest a title w/o reading it over some more times, but I am sure there was some wild germ of an idea that started you writing it. Think about it and let me know. I then may have some suggestions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moonqueen Posted February 17, 2011 Author Share Posted February 17, 2011 Tink & Aleksandra, thanks for reading my piece and taking the time to comment, I appreciate it, endlessly. ww, thanks to you, as well. I understand your feelings about my title. I have to tell you that while my imagination runs wild for most everything else I try to write, when it comes to titles, usually nothing happens. I don't know why. I have renamed dozens of my pieces because I felt they were not being read by others and realized that my titles are not always very enticing. When I grab a word or phrase from the work it's because I cannot seem to think of anything else that seems appropriate. I had "my" on the 'man in the moon' phrase originally and thought it appeared too possessive of what does not belong to me, I have taken your suggestion and gone back to the. I appreciate your kind words for the poem. "Queen of the Moon" (indeed) :Q August Homer (I think I may have the first name wrong) teaches in Iowa, titles one of his poems something like "Thoughts on my Way to the Hospital to Visit My Pregnant Ex-Wife" which he said was to avoid having people ask what the poem is about. Since this is not my poem I would not dare to suggest a title w/o reading it over some more times, but I am sure there was some wild germ of an idea that started you writing it. Think about it and let me know. I then may have some suggestions. Well, this is a case of believing someone very much loved by the N is going away, forever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waxwings Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 Tink & Aleksandra, thanks for reading my piece and taking the time to comment, I appreciate it, endlessly. ww, thanks to you, as well. I understand your feelings about my title. I have to tell you that while my imagination runs wild for most everything else I try to write, when it comes to titles, usually nothing happens. I don't know why. I have renamed dozens of my pieces because I felt they were not being read by others and realized that my titles are not always very enticing. When I grab a word or phrase from the work it's because I cannot seem to think of anything else that seems appropriate. I had "my" on the 'man in the moon' phrase originally and thought it appeared too possessive of what does not belong to me, I have taken your suggestion and gone back to the. I appreciate your kind words for the poem. "Queen of the Moon" (indeed) :Q August Homer (I think I may have the first name wrong) teaches in Iowa, titles one of his poems something like "Thoughts on my Way to the Hospital to Visit My Pregnant Ex-Wife" which he said was to avoid having people ask what the poem is about. Since this is not my poem I would not dare to suggest a title w/o reading it over some more times, but I am sure there was some wild germ of an idea that started you writing it. Think about it and let me know. I then may have some suggestions. Well, this is a case of believing someone very much loved by the N is going away, forever. My apologi for seeing the sadness but not sensing the whole pain. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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