Jump to content
Poetry Magnum Opus

Day of Infamy


fdelano
 Share

Recommended Posts

Some members here have seen this piece, but feel free to comment if you wish.

 

skipping hopscotch

advancing our stones

through the maze

drawn with a stick

 

come inside quick

Roosevelt on the radio

Pearl Harbor bombed

by the Japanese

 

adults grave and silent

then “We’re in a war”

soon back in the yard

skipping hopscotch

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Franklin, how is it I've never seen this one, before now? Excellent.

 

Mom has talked about this day, all my life. The way you've laid this fine, short piece out, speaks of the times and perhaps some of the differences in children then and now.

 

Playing away, minding your own business, dragged in by adults who in their own shock, confusion, fear, etc. feel the need to be sure the kids understand what's going on, but without the tube and the computer to offer up live footage of what war really looks like, kids in those days were not offered the real life experience, leaving it vague and remote, so of course, out of the young minds and back to the job of being children. Their understanding came later.

 

I love your 'plain speak' in these works.

 

t

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Paco, I like the concept of this one. It is very believable. I remember sitting around the radio as a kid. To see footage of the news you had to go to the movies which we didn't do until I was older. Got our first TV when I was 10 years old. My family was the first on the block to have a TV.

 

I was an infant when that infamous day arrived so have no recollection of that particular broadcast. My college boyfriend was actually born in Pearl Harbor on December 6, 1941. His Dad was in the Navy stationed at Pearl Harbor and luckily survived the attack although it is a pretty good bet he wasn't with his wife during childbirth. I think this is the kind of poem that will inspire anecdotes.

 

~~Tink

~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, this kind of subject is always hard to express, to read, or write. I agree with Tinker, this poem has a good concept.

 

Welcome, fdelano!

 

Aleksandra

The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This is really good. As moonqueen points out the adults want the kids to understand the importance of what is happening, but because they are kids it simply doesn't register and they go back to their hopscotch.

 

Just a thought department: if you could find a rhyme for "Japanese" in the first line of S3, it would match the "quick" and "stick" of S1 and S2.

 

Oh, and welcome aboard!

 

dedalus

Drown your sorrows in drink, by all means, but the real sorrows can swim

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am not , as a rule a 'fan' of cummingesque approaches (No caps, punctuation) but, occasionally, it works. Here, a very logical presentation of significant scraps is done in a logical order that precludes any misinterpretation such as can happen in that kind of approach.

 

Duncan's suggestion is great, but how do you reorganize any of so compressed lines to put in that rhyme. I don't think "Roosevelt, at ill ease...." would do. But there is ... sneeze, ... breaze, ... please, even ...grease. :blush:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you all. The poem is as close to what happened as I can remember. We were playing Hopscotch because I had two older sisters, and we played whatever they wanted. I was five then. I wanted the text to fit the age.

 

Quick and stick are accidental rhymes, but I thought would not distract the reader. I think I would take out one of words rather than making it rhyme consistently.

 

WW, not even having heard of e. e. cummings until a few years ago and having not read much since, I didn't think of emulating him, but there does seem some similarity in form only. I write pretty much whatever tumbles out of my head in whatever form it wants to take. A lot to learn.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

When thoughts come "tumbling out" after having first hand experience of turbulent times, it's perhaps a most honest and accurate way of expression. You capture well the essence of that particular time. Geoff.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

"come inside quick

Roosevelt on the radio

Pearl Harbor bombed

by the Japanese"

 

Franklin, perhaps in order to avoid the appearance there even might exist a possibility you have missed a rhyming opportunity, remove "quick" entirely and at the beginning of the line, insert "hurry"

 

hurry come inside

Roosevelt on the radio

Pearl Harbor bombed

by the Japanese

 

Or, you could leave it the way you wrote it. Just a thought, I know rhyme plays little to no part in your work, Paco & is usually an accident (as with this). Regardless, this is a great piece for your 'GiG' series and there isn't a damned thing wrong with it, in my opinion.

 

t

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Looks like you're stuck with that handle, Duncan. LMAO It is easier to pronounce.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh, well ... a thoughtful poem and a name change, all in one. Can't be bad! ;)

Drown your sorrows in drink, by all means, but the real sorrows can swim

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Guidelines.