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Tactful propose!


Bloodyday
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Let’s have a drink on a table

Full of love or a bit of refuse

Watching your beautiful eyes

Life or death, anything I will choose.

 

You may offer me champagne

I will drink it without test

Don’t want to know whether it is poisoned

As my loneliness invites your sweetest infest.

 

I have nothing to give but my beating heart

Or my silent corpse which had immense longevity

It doesn’t matter as a man what I’ve done

my love can sweep you away, it is my only ability.

 

These eyes of mine passed one by one 28 autumns

Now they have a chance to drink your beauty

Thirst for your smile, rhythm of your walk

Without any ask, for you they can bear any brutality.

 

Your smile is just like a knife cut through

A molten iron waiting for the finishing

I wanna have you in my arms

To embrace your love with happy ending.

 

 

Do you want to hold my hand?

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Aleksandra

Wow wonderful expressed love poem Bloodyday

 

I loved.

These lines makes the poem more and more interesting and shows what real love is:

 

 

Full of love or a bit of refuse

Life or death, anything I will choose.

I will drink it without test

 

This expression it is so moving and proving

 

I have nothing to give but my beating heart

Or my silent corpse which had immense longevity

 

and also the passion flows so nicely and quiet:

Now they have a chance to drink your beauty

Thirst for your smile, rhythm of your walk

 

And then wonderful ending part:

To embrace your love with happy ending.

 

 

Do u wanna hold my hand?

 

With a question what hurts and says - it would be black or white for you.

A lot of people wants to be loved on this way.

 

Much enjoyed

 

Thank you for sharing

 

Aleksandra

The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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goldenlangur

Hi Bloodyday,

 

 

An invitation to love interlaced with the heartache the person has caused the writer. There's something classical about your motif of longing unfulfilled. The references to "death, poisoned, corpse and knife" all bring this out.

 

If you're not offended I wondered about your use of "wanna" and "u" which seems quite out of kilter in this poem of loss. This gives it a pop song-like character, which I feel, detracts from the solemnity of your theme and emotions evoked here.

 

But the pain and yearning come across strongly.

 

goldenlangur

goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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Hi bro (goldenlangur, if u don't mind!) and aleksandra

 

Hmmm....There is lots of appreciation and little bit criticism. Thanks Aleksandra reading my post and i am truly honored!

goldenlangur says................

 

...........If you're not offended I wondered about your use of "wanna" and "u" which seems quite out of kilter in this poem of loss. This gives it a pop song-like character, which I feel, detracts from the solemnity of your theme and emotions evoked here.

 

 

 

Actually i won't defferentiate between lyrics and verses, because at the end of the day you can impose a rythm on these verses having slight change on them. besides if this is right, i want to bring a fusion and if it persists then there will be something new!

 

So i want to see it in the simplest way. But if english literature doesn't permit, then i will try withdraw these words. So there is a question i want to know, is there any obligation of using those words? Please Bro, let me know!

 

And thanks again reading my post, thanks again!

 

 

Bye

 

 

Bloody day

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Hi bro (goldenlangur, if u don't mind!) and aleksandra

 

Hmmm....There is lots of appreciation and little bit criticism. Thanks Aleksandra reading my post and i am truly honored!

goldenlangur says................

 

...........If you're not offended I wondered about your use of "wanna" and "u" which seems quite out of kilter in this poem of loss. This gives it a pop song-like character, which I feel, detracts from the solemnity of your theme and emotions evoked here.

Actually i won't defferentiate between lyrics and verses, because at the end of the day you can impose a rythm on these verses having slight change on them. besides if this is right, i want to bring a fusion and if it persists then there will be something new!

 

So i want to see it in the simplest way. But if english literature doesn't permit, then i will try withdraw these words. So there is a question i want to know, is there any obligation of using those words? Please Bro, let me know!

 

And thanks again reading my post, thanks again!

 

 

Bye

 

 

Bloody day

 

Hi Bloodyday,

 

Generally, expressions like "wanna" for want to, though common (but neveretheless incorrect) in spoken language, are not used in written language. The use of "u" for you usually occurs only as internet or text messaging shorthand.

 

American pop star Michael Jackson had a hit way back in 1983 called "Wanna Be Startin' Somethin,'" and American pop star Prince had a hit the following year called "I Would Die 4 U." Thus, I think that Golden makes a valid point. But, if you go back and look, you'll see that Golden's statement (regarding your use of these expressions in your poem about loss) is an opinion: "This gives it a pop song-like character, which I feel, detracts from the solemnity of your theme and emotions evoked here." I agree with Golden, but you are free to disregard the opinion and continue using "wanna" and "u" in your poems.

 

I hope this helps.

 

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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Hmm...

 

thanks tonyv, i think democracy wins and reigns. I have a very little knowledge about this linguistic stuff and i need to learn more. In this regard, i will gonna correct all the stuffs i wrote.

 

Thanks for your guide and i hope in this way i can write more matured and sonorous poems whether these are garbage or not. So i am waiting for your comments lot's of, and thanks again!

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