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Orchard Road


JoelJosol
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Though an alien

to Singapore weather,

I went ahead,

 

like other tourists did

to Orchard Road,

pretending

 

to rush to dinner

with a friend,

while everyone else

 

hurried

to get to MRT

or bus terminal

 

as the rain

poured.

I

 

crossed Orchard Road,

in the rain,

my raincoat left behind

 

in the hotel room

like someone

I wished were here.

"Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach

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goldenlangur

Hi JoelJosol,

 

The final stanza is pleasantly startling! I do like the way you lead the read through a seemingly weather-laden poem to this sudden twist in the "someone" - stealth and longing enhances the romantic tone. The only nit is I wondered if your would consider bringing out the significance of "Orchard Road" - perhaps I'm being dense here and the allusion will work for your other readers. But I thought the elusiveness of this reference in some way distracts the reader.

 

As ever, this is only an opinion for your to disregard or consider as you see fit.

 

goldenlangur

goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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GL, I thought of that too. Or change the title. I am working on a revision.

"Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach

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Aleksandra

Joel, interesting.

I agree with golden, and also the form, the managing on the stanzas is interesting

 

Thank you for sharing.

 

Aleksandra

The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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Thanks, Sandra.

"Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach

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I, too, like the rainy weather imagery accompanied by the melancholic twist in the end. Although I don't recognize the allusion to Orchard Road, I don't think it detracts from the poem; for me, it seems to make the poem more personal by introducing (presumably) a local reference.

 

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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I was in Singapore for one week and it rained. Orchard Road is one of the main avenues in Singapore where all the malls and restaurants are. That inspired this piece.

"Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach

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I revised S1 with dropping the only word in L1, "uninformed" with the "alien" phrase.

"Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach

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