Orchard Road

[JoelJosol]

Though an alien

to Singapore weather,

I went ahead,

 

like other tourists did

to Orchard Road,

pretending

 

to rush to dinner

with a friend,

while everyone else

 

hurried

to get to MRT

or bus terminal

 

as the rain

poured.

I

 

crossed Orchard Road,

in the rain,

my raincoat left behind

 

in the hotel room

like someone

I wished were here.

[goldenlangur]

Hi JoelJosol,

 

The final stanza is pleasantly startling! I do like the way you lead the read through a seemingly weather-laden poem to this sudden twist in the "someone" - stealth and longing enhances the romantic tone. The only nit is I wondered if your would consider bringing out the significance of "Orchard Road" - perhaps I'm being dense here and the allusion will work for your other readers. But I thought the elusiveness of this reference in some way distracts the reader.

 

As ever, this is only an opinion for your to disregard or consider as you see fit.

 

goldenlangur

[JoelJosol]

GL, I thought of that too. Or change the title. I am working on a revision.

[Aleksandra]

Joel, interesting.

I agree with golden, and also the form, the managing on the stanzas is interesting

 

Thank you for sharing.

 

Aleksandra

[JoelJosol]

Thanks, Sandra.

[tonyv]

I, too, like the rainy weather imagery accompanied by the melancholic twist in the end. Although I don't recognize the allusion to Orchard Road, I don't think it detracts from the poem; for me, it seems to make the poem more personal by introducing (presumably) a local reference.

 

Tony

[JoelJosol]

I was in Singapore for one week and it rained. Orchard Road is one of the main avenues in Singapore where all the malls and restaurants are. That inspired this piece.

[JoelJosol]

I revised S1 with dropping the only word in L1, "uninformed" with the "alien" phrase.