abstrect-christ Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 A soldier clad in green and mud waiting among the town of ghosts, a single wall his cover and climax -- "the shell-shock you suffer is but a snowflake of truth landing in the hippocampus, will you fight everlong for me?" "Yes!", falling to his knees laden with torrents of overcasts drops. "When I fall shall you stumble a dawn of jagged rock and glass to displace my ragged body placing my back upon trills of Daffodils, Roses, and Daphne?" "Goddess of the Mesosphere, I promise you I'll fight everlong, fore as this crescendo rises as do my solicits to you. You answer with such grace shielding me from all, once I am free from this conflict that was to be your grave I shall lay you among any trill desired, making it your eternal bed." Just as his clip empties, so does his voice -- one barrage of martyred soul and shell collapses his battered wall revealing the face of his crescendo: Like the white swan turned black his Goddess stood there batons in hand; shocked and frozen, flustered and bereaved, she cannot say anything -- she can only stare, disbelieving. "Goddess... how could you steak yourself among the enemy so? Was I not your soul, your everlong infernia?" "Soldier of my passion, soldier of my will, you fought so hard but I could not, for as your ears bleed from shot and shrapnel as does my heart -- for what I create." "Goddess, you show me such mercy like your father and mother, yet you wish to destroy like your wraith sister," "worry not fair soldier, fore this will be quick; a needles eye in the clouds of sand." With the amorous tinge upon her eyes, the soldiers lips rise, edges an arc his single tear lining its cusp -- the goddess lifts both batons toward an abstract figure raising its muzzle and his final thoughts are spread among the walls debris as batons land in the infinite mud at both their feet. Walking with melancholy fervor she's looking at the sprouting flowers among his debris tears dispelling as they germinate and blot laughing now as her back, bare, weighs down on their petals spinning in the Daffodils, Roses and Daphne's trilled by her soldiers final thought: "Thank you, Goddess." by Jeremy Swyck (1/29/11 Quote Pinhead "Unbearable, isn't it? The suffering of strangers, the agony of friends. There is a secret song at the center of the world, Joey, and its sound is like razors through flesh." Joey "I don't believe you." Pinhead "Oh come, you can hear its faint echo right now. I'm here to turn up the volume. To press the stinking face of humanity into the dark blood of its own secret heart." "There's a starving beast inside my chestplaying with me until he's boredThen, slowly burying his tusks in my fleshcrawling his way out he rips open old woundsWhen I reach for the knife placed on the bedside tableits blade reflects my determined faceto plant it in my chestand carve a hole so deep it snaps my veinsHollow me out, I want to feel empty"-- "Being Able To Feel Nothing" by Oathbreakerhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aBPy3xNwwL8 "Sky turns to a deeper grey the sun fades by the moon hell's come from the distant hills tortures dreams of the doomed and they pray, yet they prey and they pray, still they prey"-- "Still They Prey" by Coughhttps://soundcloud.com/relapserecords/sets/cough-still-they-pray Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 Hello abstrect-christ, Good to meet you. :D Your work with its allusions to myths (Daphne, immediately evoking Apollo), goddess, battle and soldier-searcher evokes a sense of the archetypal heroic aspirations of the individual. The personification of war and violence as female is quite effective in bringing out the emotional charge this holds for the hero-soldier. However, like the classical tales of such heroic pursuits there is a lingering sense of the loss of humanity and innocence in this tale of the soldier too. Wonderful language and imagery make this quite a riveting read. Thank you. Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abstrect-christ Posted March 19, 2011 Author Share Posted March 19, 2011 thanks Langur ^-^ Quote Pinhead "Unbearable, isn't it? The suffering of strangers, the agony of friends. There is a secret song at the center of the world, Joey, and its sound is like razors through flesh." Joey "I don't believe you." Pinhead "Oh come, you can hear its faint echo right now. I'm here to turn up the volume. To press the stinking face of humanity into the dark blood of its own secret heart." "There's a starving beast inside my chestplaying with me until he's boredThen, slowly burying his tusks in my fleshcrawling his way out he rips open old woundsWhen I reach for the knife placed on the bedside tableits blade reflects my determined faceto plant it in my chestand carve a hole so deep it snaps my veinsHollow me out, I want to feel empty"-- "Being Able To Feel Nothing" by Oathbreakerhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aBPy3xNwwL8 "Sky turns to a deeper grey the sun fades by the moon hell's come from the distant hills tortures dreams of the doomed and they pray, yet they prey and they pray, still they prey"-- "Still They Prey" by Coughhttps://soundcloud.com/relapserecords/sets/cough-still-they-pray Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 Enjoyed the narrative and your proficient use of dialogue, Jeremy. I'm also becoming accustomed to the neologisms; they definitely complement your interesting subjects and writing style. The ending -- ...his final thoughts are spread among the walls debris ... -- leaves this reader a bit unsettled. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abstrect-christ Posted March 21, 2011 Author Share Posted March 21, 2011 (edited) Thanks Tony ^-^ lol sorry, I chose not to put the R beside this one because by my standards this isn't as bad as my usual degree of detail since I mainly create allusions to the actions such as the final thought line. I've got a Canto series not posted that shows how lightly an image like that is treated in this piece. Edited March 21, 2011 by abstrect-christ Quote Pinhead "Unbearable, isn't it? The suffering of strangers, the agony of friends. There is a secret song at the center of the world, Joey, and its sound is like razors through flesh." Joey "I don't believe you." Pinhead "Oh come, you can hear its faint echo right now. I'm here to turn up the volume. To press the stinking face of humanity into the dark blood of its own secret heart." "There's a starving beast inside my chestplaying with me until he's boredThen, slowly burying his tusks in my fleshcrawling his way out he rips open old woundsWhen I reach for the knife placed on the bedside tableits blade reflects my determined faceto plant it in my chestand carve a hole so deep it snaps my veinsHollow me out, I want to feel empty"-- "Being Able To Feel Nothing" by Oathbreakerhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aBPy3xNwwL8 "Sky turns to a deeper grey the sun fades by the moon hell's come from the distant hills tortures dreams of the doomed and they pray, yet they prey and they pray, still they prey"-- "Still They Prey" by Coughhttps://soundcloud.com/relapserecords/sets/cough-still-they-pray Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 Thanks Tony ^-^ lol sorry, I chose not to put the R beside this one because by my standards this isn't as bad as my usual degree of detail since I mainly create allusions to the actions such as the final thought line. I've got a Canto series not posted that shows how lightly an image like that is treated in this piece. Oh, no ... Everything's fine. This one doesn't need an [R]. I just meant that I got squeamish ... and that's a good thing! :icon_eek: Tony :) Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 Hi Jeremy, Welcome to PMO. It is exciting to see new faces here. WOW, your work delivers in a powerful manner. Clearly you are not going to be a quick read. Your poems demand focus and investment from the reader. I am impressed and challenged and maybe a little overwhelmed by your writing. I look forward to studying your work. ~~Tink Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abstrect-christ Posted March 23, 2011 Author Share Posted March 23, 2011 thanks tink. Quote Pinhead "Unbearable, isn't it? The suffering of strangers, the agony of friends. There is a secret song at the center of the world, Joey, and its sound is like razors through flesh." Joey "I don't believe you." Pinhead "Oh come, you can hear its faint echo right now. I'm here to turn up the volume. To press the stinking face of humanity into the dark blood of its own secret heart." "There's a starving beast inside my chestplaying with me until he's boredThen, slowly burying his tusks in my fleshcrawling his way out he rips open old woundsWhen I reach for the knife placed on the bedside tableits blade reflects my determined faceto plant it in my chestand carve a hole so deep it snaps my veinsHollow me out, I want to feel empty"-- "Being Able To Feel Nothing" by Oathbreakerhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aBPy3xNwwL8 "Sky turns to a deeper grey the sun fades by the moon hell's come from the distant hills tortures dreams of the doomed and they pray, yet they prey and they pray, still they prey"-- "Still They Prey" by Coughhttps://soundcloud.com/relapserecords/sets/cough-still-they-pray Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 WOW... I stayed without words. I need time to collect all my impressions of this perfection. Quote The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abstrect-christ Posted April 4, 2011 Author Share Posted April 4, 2011 ^-^ Quote Pinhead "Unbearable, isn't it? The suffering of strangers, the agony of friends. There is a secret song at the center of the world, Joey, and its sound is like razors through flesh." Joey "I don't believe you." Pinhead "Oh come, you can hear its faint echo right now. I'm here to turn up the volume. To press the stinking face of humanity into the dark blood of its own secret heart." "There's a starving beast inside my chestplaying with me until he's boredThen, slowly burying his tusks in my fleshcrawling his way out he rips open old woundsWhen I reach for the knife placed on the bedside tableits blade reflects my determined faceto plant it in my chestand carve a hole so deep it snaps my veinsHollow me out, I want to feel empty"-- "Being Able To Feel Nothing" by Oathbreakerhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aBPy3xNwwL8 "Sky turns to a deeper grey the sun fades by the moon hell's come from the distant hills tortures dreams of the doomed and they pray, yet they prey and they pray, still they prey"-- "Still They Prey" by Coughhttps://soundcloud.com/relapserecords/sets/cough-still-they-pray Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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