fdelano Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 (edited) Just standing, taking it all in, large and small pieces and shards scattered for at least a quarter mile, the camouflaged tail section with its four fifty caliber guns just pointing, not aiming. Trees down and other jungle growth cleared by the crash landing, no sign of life or even body parts apparent, the scene so quiet. I listen for anything, anybody. A few minutes pass as I stand still, tense, knowing something is about to happen, but my mind is simply open. A murmur creeps through the metal, attenuated by green tangled growth. A weak moan, then a definite "Please." Is that you, gunner? Are you in there? Bolt upright in bed, covers flung aside. I stifle a scream with realization of where I sit, staring into the darkness, sweat-soaked and shaking slightly from transition of mental confusion. A soft mew from the old feral cat below my window, a frequent visitor seeking God knows what, in his own world and I in mine. I manage a weak grin, but tonight has ended for me. Edited March 23, 2011 by fdelano Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjamin Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 Your vivid description of the devastation and of the night-time “heebies” is a powerful reminder that service personnel are not like machines, to be switched on-and-off, as-and-when required. The theme of your poem is relevent to the present day and well expressed in plain language. It brings home the fact that military casualties of war are not restricted just to theatres of war, nor to the duration of a war. Many ex-servicemen are haunted for life by horrors they witnessed and duties they were expected to perform. I thought you used the cat very well to break surface, and there was something of a sting in that last line, "I manage a weak grin, but tonight has ended for me.” G. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fdelano Posted March 23, 2011 Author Share Posted March 23, 2011 Thank you, Geoff. I wrote this close to my memory of the dream and the cat that caused it only a few nights ago. That cat is really ugly too, so I thought it fitting to the subject. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moonqueen Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 I love this as you knew I would. Your work with this subject becomes more real to this reader as you write more of them. Franklin, have you considered a series of these, for those who can relate, so they know others do, too? As you well know, it certainly isn't unique to VN, and its relevancy endures. Well, I thoroughly enjoyed this realistically expressed piece. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fdelano Posted March 23, 2011 Author Share Posted March 23, 2011 I love this as you knew I would. Your work with this subject becomes more real to this reader as you write more of them. Franklin, have you considered a series of these, for those who can relate, so they know others do, too? As you well know, it certainly isn't unique to VN, and its relevancy endures. Well, I thoroughly enjoyed this realistically expressed piece. I'm going to send that damn cat to you. Thank you, dear moon. Your comments always mean a lot to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abstrect-christ Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 nicely done. everything's been said.:icon_sunny: Quote Pinhead "Unbearable, isn't it? The suffering of strangers, the agony of friends. There is a secret song at the center of the world, Joey, and its sound is like razors through flesh." Joey "I don't believe you." Pinhead "Oh come, you can hear its faint echo right now. I'm here to turn up the volume. To press the stinking face of humanity into the dark blood of its own secret heart." "There's a starving beast inside my chestplaying with me until he's boredThen, slowly burying his tusks in my fleshcrawling his way out he rips open old woundsWhen I reach for the knife placed on the bedside tableits blade reflects my determined faceto plant it in my chestand carve a hole so deep it snaps my veinsHollow me out, I want to feel empty"-- "Being Able To Feel Nothing" by Oathbreakerhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aBPy3xNwwL8 "Sky turns to a deeper grey the sun fades by the moon hell's come from the distant hills tortures dreams of the doomed and they pray, yet they prey and they pray, still they prey"-- "Still They Prey" by Coughhttps://soundcloud.com/relapserecords/sets/cough-still-they-pray Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 I agree with the others, Franklin. You portray it well: anxiety followed by relief. I like it, especially here: ... I manage a weak grin, but tonight has ended for me. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fdelano Posted March 30, 2011 Author Share Posted March 30, 2011 I agree with the others, Franklin. You portray it well: anxiety followed by relief. I like it, especially here: ... I manage a weak grin, but tonight has ended for me. Tony Thanks y'all for finding time for this one. I'm often remiss in critiques and replies, but not on purpose. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rosschandler Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 i really like this poem. the structure is unique. it seems like prose but you format it in a very poetic way. very good! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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