Jump to content
Poetry Magnum Opus

pain consumes


moonqueen
 Share

Recommended Posts

pain consumes

 

mountains behind her

she stands,

eyes eastward

to the only stretch of horizon

she can view, the only one

she needs.

 

the box walls edge closer

portals slam shut

nothing out, nothing in.

darkness eats at her psyche,

she peers into blackness

through the eyes of another.

 

constricted energy

ultimately bursts

from the gash below her nose.

profanity becomes shrapnel

which embeds itself

into all her surrounds.

 

03-24-11

©tlp 2010

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Strong emotional assault here. The reader is absolutely bombarded by it. I liked the strength of the last verse. You might try to work a little more concrete imagery into the first verse. Just a thought.

GBrenton

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The gash below her nose! Profanity becomes shrapnel! Something tells me she's about to inflict a world of hurt on the not-so-innocent bystander. Time to put on the body armor ...

 

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm finding the second verse to be a bit too enigmatic for the rest of it. Could you show us just a little more without telling all?

 

Just a thought . . . I don't yet have a good sense of your poetic voice.

from the black desert

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Guidelines.