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Poetry Magnum Opus

pain consumes


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pain consumes


mountains behind her

she stands,

eyes eastward

to the only stretch of horizon

she can view, the only one

she needs.


the box walls edge closer

portals slam shut

nothing out, nothing in.

darkness eats at her psyche,

she peers into blackness

through the eyes of another.


constricted energy

ultimately bursts

from the gash below her nose.

profanity becomes shrapnel

which embeds itself

into all her surrounds.



©tlp 2010

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Strong emotional assault here. The reader is absolutely bombarded by it. I liked the strength of the last verse. You might try to work a little more concrete imagery into the first verse. Just a thought.


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The gash below her nose! Profanity becomes shrapnel! Something tells me she's about to inflict a world of hurt on the not-so-innocent bystander. Time to put on the body armor ...



Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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I'm finding the second verse to be a bit too enigmatic for the rest of it. Could you show us just a little more without telling all?


Just a thought . . . I don't yet have a good sense of your poetic voice.

from the black desert

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