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Exposure


JoelJosol
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It's fail-safe for them to contain you within

these walls. Here, their passion can heat up

safely and the sound of their violence ripples

invisibly in the air.

 

Silence begets no questions. Such men know

only their desires. The noise they create

continues to distract them from yours-

your common space tightly soundproofed.

 

But your head, though bowed, shaken and wracked,

will rise like superheated steam, exploding

against these walls, to burn and crumble them.

Everyone exposed will die from it.

Edited by JoelJosol

"Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach

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A harmless interrogation, Joel? Some standard procedure?

 

Nice job showing it. Just a couple of things to make it perfect. In L3, "ripple" should be "ripples," unless you change "sound" to "sounds." And in L7, "continue" should be "continues," unless you change "noise" in L6 to "noises." As always, enjoyed the fluid read.

 

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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goldenlangur

Very chilling this detail:

Silence begets no questions

 

I may be wrong but the descriptions of the person who is being detained and questioned evoke for me the unlawful detention of political prisoners.

 

There is a burning desire for justice- divine justice in some ways in the way you use the almost biblical consuming allusions of fire here:

 

... exploding

against these walls, to burn and crumble them.

Everyone exposed will die from it.

 

 

You create unease and impact in this poem.

 

 

Thank you.

goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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Tony, thanks for your kind correction.

 

GL, glad I somehow carried the tension across.

"Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach

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abstrect-christ

nice piece, well done. :wacko:

Pinhead

"Unbearable, isn't it? The suffering of strangers, the agony of friends.

There is a secret song at the center of the world, Joey, and its sound is like razors through flesh."

Joey

"I don't believe you."

Pinhead

"Oh come, you can hear its faint echo right now. I'm here to turn up the volume.

To press the stinking face of humanity into the dark blood of its own secret heart."

"There's a starving beast inside my chest
playing with me until he's bored
Then, slowly burying his tusks in my flesh
crawling his way out he rips open old wounds

When I reach for the knife placed on the bedside table
its blade reflects my determined face
to plant it in my chest
and carve a hole so deep it snaps my veins

Hollow me out, I want to feel empty"
-- "Being Able To Feel Nothing" by Oathbreaker

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aBPy3xNwwL8

"Sky turns to a deeper grey

the sun fades by the moon

hell's come from the distant hills

tortures dreams of the doomed

and they pray, yet they prey

and they pray, still they prey"
-- "Still They Prey" by Cough

https://soundcloud.com/relapserecords/sets/cough-still-they-pray

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Hello Joel. You have achieved a perfect build-up of tension and balanced it cleverly with "the show don't tell" ethic. The poem is open to different interpretations and leaves much for the reader to think about. Well done. Benjamin

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Thanks Abs and Ben for the read and feedback.

"Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach

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rosschandler

i wanted you to know i read this. i know we all get alot of views and fewer replies. i do not believe any poem is bad. i do want to say i appreciate your expression. i like enjambments too.

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It's fail-safe for them to contain you within

these walls. Here, their passion can heat up

safely and the sound of their violence ripples

invisibly in the air.

 

Silence begets no questions. Such men know

only their desires. The noise they create

continues to distract them from yours-

your common space tightly soundproofed.

 

But your dignity, though shaken and wracked,

will rise like superheated steam, exploding

against these walls, to burn and crumble them.

Everyone exposed will die from it.

 

Perhaps I missed the boat, but to me this shouts the agony of Japan and the men who voluntarily gave their lives trying to contain the dragons. This line, to me, spell genius:

 

"Silence begets no questions."

 

I'm in awe of the intensity contained in so few words.

 

Not sure who, perhaps Robert Frost, said "Death solves all problems."

 

Franklin

Edited by fdelano
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It's fail-safe for them to contain you within

these walls. Here, their passion can heat up

safely and the sound of their violence ripples

invisibly in the air.

 

Silence begets no questions. Such men know

only their desires. The noise they create

continues to distract them from yours-

your common space tightly soundproofed.

 

But your dignity, though shaken and wracked,

will rise like superheated steam, exploding

against these walls, to burn and crumble them.

Everyone exposed will die from it.

 

Perhaps I missed the boat, but to me this shouts the agony of Japan and the men who voluntarily gave their lives trying to contain the dragons. This line, to me, spell genius:

 

"Silence begets no questions."

 

I'm in awe of the intensity contained in so few words.

 

Not sure who, perhaps Robert Frost, said "Death solves all problems."

 

Franklin

 

I too, read this as the nuclear story in Japan. I was reading this morning about the exhorbitant amounts of money they are offering individuals to sign on as "Jumpers". I'd only ever heard the term before as applied to the Smoke Jumpers, who parachute into wildfires, although when I look it up, it says it was a fairly common profession here in the States in the 70s and 80s.

 

My heart swells when I think of the men who are so over exposed now that their futures are pretty much ordained, who have stayed to help Japan and her people. A piece we should all understand and remember.

 

Tammi

Edited by moonqueen
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Strong piece, Joel. I like the intrigue in this poem, the most.

 

Nice to see you around.

 

Aleksandra

The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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Thanks Ross, Franklin, Tammi and Aleks for the read and interpretation.

 

I decided to come back and replace the abstract "dignity" with a more concrete imagery. I hope it enhances the poem.

"Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach

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