dr_con Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 (edited) Flood You must make it today why this dilly-dally pretending that it won’t be gone ________in an instant unfairness vanished ________grace equally gone gone gone beyond beyond these wet floors sopping rugs the threat of mold and mildew Gratitude is hard to hold ________slipping away easily ________________a fish in water One finds the rigidity of privilege even a more difficult substrate for catching elusive voices just beneath excuses of hard work laziness Big unpredictable drops ________Stoic waves a hard crust our ancestors tell us always threatens ________to shift ________wash away Edited March 26, 2011 by dr_con Quote thegateless.org
tonyv Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 Very fluid, Juris. The poem's layout, together with the repetition you use early on, works very well. I liked the paradox expressed in "excuses/of hard work/laziness." And even the poem itself gives the semblance of washing away at the end. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic
Benjamin Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 Chance it would seem, really is a great leveller, and thwarts the best laid plans of mice and men. Benjamin Quote
goldenlangur Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 I do like the way you've laid out the poem, DC. It mirrors the way the thoughts and images flow and weave together. Some great sonorous touches: The echoing effect in unfairness, grace, voices, excuses and laziness and also the alliterative effect in mold and mildew. This has a haunting significance in the light of the recent events in Japan: Big unpredictable drops ________Stoic waves a hard crust our ancestors tell us always threatens ________to shift ________wash away Beautiful to read out aloud and mull over! Thank you. Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.
dr_con Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 Thanks Tony, Benjamin, Golden: Indeed resonance with Japan and the deluge which covered Northern california, flooding my temple of curiosity's ;-) As always, I deeply appreciate your readings! DC&J Quote thegateless.org
Aleksandra Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Good construction of a poem, Juris. Same as Tony, I liked the paradox, also. There is something very interesting in the tone of this poem. Aleksandra Quote The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia
rosschandler Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 now this felt and read like a poem and not just a journal entry or elaborately structured prose. i enjoyed "gone gone beyond".... Quote
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