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Flood


dr_con
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Flood

 

You must make it today

why this dilly-dally

pretending that it won’t be gone

________in an instant

unfairness vanished

________grace equally gone

gone gone beyond

beyond these wet floors

sopping rugs

the threat of mold and mildew

 

Gratitude is hard to hold

________slipping away easily

________________a fish in water

 

One finds the rigidity of privilege

even a more difficult substrate

for catching elusive voices

just beneath excuses

of hard work

laziness

 

Big unpredictable drops

________Stoic waves

a hard crust

our ancestors tell us

always threatens

________to shift

________wash

away

Edited by dr_con

thegateless.org Come on over and check out my poetry substack y'all;-) Or if your bored, head to the Zazzle store: https://www.zazzle.com/store/gateless. If you buy anything I lose a bet, so consider that before you violate the digital rules.

 

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Very fluid, Juris. The poem's layout, together with the repetition you use early on, works very well. I liked the paradox expressed in "excuses/of hard work/laziness." And even the poem itself gives the semblance of washing away at the end.

 

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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Chance it would seem, really is a great leveller, and thwarts the best laid plans of mice and men. Benjamin

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goldenlangur

I do like the way you've laid out the poem, DC. It mirrors the way the thoughts and images flow and weave together.

 

Some great sonorous touches:

 

The echoing effect in unfairness, grace, voices, excuses and laziness and also the alliterative effect in mold and mildew.

 

This has a haunting significance in the light of the recent events in Japan:

 

Big unpredictable drops

________Stoic waves

a hard crust

our ancestors tell us

always threatens

________to shift

________wash

away

 

 

Beautiful to read out aloud and mull over!

 

 

 

Thank you.

goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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Thanks Tony, Benjamin, Golden: Indeed resonance with Japan and the deluge which covered Northern california, flooding my temple of curiosity's ;-)

 

As always, I deeply appreciate your readings!

 

DC&J

thegateless.org Come on over and check out my poetry substack y'all;-) Or if your bored, head to the Zazzle store: https://www.zazzle.com/store/gateless. If you buy anything I lose a bet, so consider that before you violate the digital rules.

 

Gate(less.png

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Good construction of a poem, Juris. Same as Tony, I liked the paradox, also. There is something very interesting in the tone of this poem.

 

Aleksandra

The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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rosschandler

now this felt and read like a poem and not just a journal entry or elaborately structured prose. i enjoyed "gone gone beyond"....

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