JoelJosol Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 Your skin is still tight as the lamp's shade, the fullness of your breasts firm as bed pillows, and your hair smooth as the bed's varnish finish. While your thighs flex against mine, let age loiter behind our locked door. Quote "Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 Steamy! I like how you call attention to both of your youthfulness. This is apparent in the last lines: ... let age loiter behind our locked door. [emphasis mine] Another fine poem, Joel! Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoelJosol Posted May 12, 2009 Author Share Posted May 12, 2009 Thanks, Tony. Steamy but hopefully not too graphic. Quote "Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 Joel, this poem... Ahh I love it . It's very emotional and passionate. And also sounds so poetical. Your skin is still tight as the lamp's shade, and here is the passion what hits the poem: While your thighs flex against mine, let age loiter behind our locked door. There is so much feelings and shows the truth, that the love - don't have age... Wonderful poem Aleksandra Quote The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 Hi JoelJosol, Yes, both Tony and Aleksandra are right - this poem has an erotic charge about it. The only association which reads a little awkward to me is the very first one : the "skin" "tight" as a "lamp's shade" - unusual but not quite aesthetically pleasing from the woman's point of view, me thinks. But, this is just my reading. I like the use of sparse lines here. goldenlangur Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoelJosol Posted May 12, 2009 Author Share Posted May 12, 2009 GL, age causes skin to get loose. So, the comparison is to something tight. Quote "Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 Hi Joel, I don't know if the metaphors in this poem work for me. They are different, nothing cliche here. But for me not relevant, they don't carry the same allure as the subject, they don't entice me. The poem is well written with your usual fluid rhythm and I am sure many will love it. You are a talented writer. ~~Tink Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoelJosol Posted May 12, 2009 Author Share Posted May 12, 2009 It is an attempt to associate the surroundings with the subject, Tink. There could be more beautiful and enticing metaphors but unfortunately not from the room. Quote "Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jalfrezi Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 does not imply to me that both are young just her. I agree with the lampshade reference. Just think Ed Gein. I do like this poem -Jalfrezi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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