in this forest by this river

[rosschandler]

In this forest by this river

 

Wretched as I rot and whither

 

So familiar as I notice

 

Wipe away my tears and focus

 

on a dying Lotus lying

 

on the forest floor and crying

 

for his loving bloody Rose

 

is about to decompose

 

tragic scenes are all I’ve seen

 

as I look around and feign

 

for some crimson lips to kiss

 

any form of normal Bliss

 

or I’ll slit my listless wrists

 

wait and watch the bloody drips

 

as they drop and flood from me

 

they will never stop you see

 

I can bleed without my breath

 

And in this chest my Soul accepts

 

Is the very heart of Heaven

 

pounding every seven seconds

 

like a firefly pulsating

 

fading in and out creating

 

such a sacred sound and rhythm

 

that insists you wait and listen

 

yet forgotten and forsaken

 

in these rotten woods I’m aching

 

in this chill my will is breaking

 

take me Death! This is frustrating

 

for I’m left to keep on waiting

 

contemplating when I wonder

 

will the end just send me under

 

for this haunting, howling wind

 

won’t stop taunting all my sins

 

all I’m wanting is forgiveness

 

and I know my past I’ll live with

 

But must it be in such a dismal

 

Dark and dank place so abysmal

 

As this forest frail and frozen

 

That my Fate for me has chosen

 

I only wish this punishment

 

Cracks me with its cleansing whip

 

Till I taste a tortured tear

 

And face the future with no fear

 

I abhor this forest floor

 

And her wicked woods deplore

 

Nothing but a blackness lacking

 

Any signs of life or laughing

 

Dancing with dissatisfaction

 

Raw and wretched from inaction

 

Blistered, twisted and tormented

 

Festered, foaming and fermented

 

Madly rabid and demented

 

Unrelentingly intended

 

but to be the most maligned

 

vindictive forest by design

 

shiver will I shake and shutter

 

silently without an utter

 

crucified and crushed I’m crying

 

but you will not hear me dying

 

for inside I’ll keep on hiding

 

never will you know im lying

 

when I mention my contentions

 

for they’ll seem so unrepentant

 

vanquished in this evil scented

 

indolent and unlamented

 

forest few can ever weather

 

or endure or dare endeavor

 

those who chose to never ever

 

let their faith be sadly severed

 

surely not by choice they choose this

 

who would ever think to do this

 

eat the fruit forbidden to us

 

I have come and now must go

 

I spent my time repenting so

 

And burdened with but bitterness

 

Forced to stare at emptiness

 

Suffer did I so remised

 

Clenched my fist could not resist

 

to crush the lust that must persist

 

time is now your turn to burn

 

all your life this strife was earned

reap so sweet what sweet you sew

 

and toast the glowing winter snow

 

raise in praise your glass with glee

 

thank the Lord your finally free

 

from the shackles of disease

 

from these trees of misery

 

run until the sun you see

 

and with your wings do wet the sky

 

soaring toward the Lord who lies

 

with a loving flock of doves

 

fly into the night above

 

might your destiny unfold

 

and softly whisper to your soul

 

lullabies and little lies

 

to keep you vigilant and wise

 

on your toes and unsurprised

 

when, my friend, you realize

 

that everything is an illusion

 

viewed in such a skewed delusion

 

withered when you wake and wonder

 

when will Heaven send her thunder

 

spite the night with lightning lashing

 

striking every time with passion

 

lighting all the stars on fire

 

inviting all the light I sire

 

to understand my damned desire

 

to leave this forest dim and dire

 

[abstrect-christ]

given its length I'd split this one up into stanzas ross, good rhyming structure though; but.. anything past that well ya, I'm more of a book visualizer when it comes to poetry so rhyming prose is just something to read for me mainly.

[rosschandler]

given its length I'd split this one up into stanzas ross, good rhyming structure though; but.. anything past that well ya, I'm more of a book visualizer when it comes to poetry so rhyming prose is just something to read for me mainly.

 

 

what do you mean rhyming prose? and this cannot be broken up into stanzas because the poem flows line to line almost rhyme to rhyme as one long thought.

sorry if i say this but you seem so blah on my poem. please appreciate the fact that 99% of the poetry on here is free verse or blank verse. that someone (me) maintains a meter and rhyme flow for over 100 lines is a great accomplishment.

this is the furthest thing from the prose most people write on here.

[abstrect-christ]

well maybe I worded it wrong saying it's prose but for me prose in general is a type of rhymed word structure, the split line format(much like a whimsical song structure) being one of its types and stanzas don't necessarily ruin a structure even if it rhymes, it merely gives the reader a small breather and break from imagery(for a second atleast given the rhyming structure)... but that's just me, even if you split it once half way it'll improve the read.

 

I've never been able to read stuff that's one block because I look for complexity's in the work and the overwhelming block structure is a deterrent for such. Unique yes but not as well structured in its current form.

 

So I'm not 'blah' persay it's just that the structure is lacking for me to really get into it.

Though, obv. I don't speak for all readers it's just something that I personally noted.

[PDgb]

I appreciate the fact that you can continue a nice, flowing line for this long but I have to say you kind of lost me. Without verses to dictate some kind of topical progression, it is tough to see if this poem is going anywhere. I have no doubt that you had intentions for this poem but you have to understand that when you continue on a poem this long, the point and message are lost in the noise. Also, the first and last line aren't hook lines. This poem could be strengthened greatly by the addition of some punch lines at the beginning or end of this poem. Just some thoughts, you may take them as you will.

[rosschandler]

well maybe I worded it wrong saying it's prose but for me prose in general is a type of rhymed word structure, the split line format(much like a whimsical song structure) being one of its types and stanzas don't necessarily ruin a structure even if it rhymes, it merely gives the reader a small breather and break from imagery(for a second atleast given the rhyming structure)... but that's just me, even if you split it once half way it'll improve the read.

 

I've never been able to read stuff that's one block because I look for complexity's in the work and the overwhelming block structure is a deterrent for such. Unique yes but not as well structured in its current form.

 

So I'm not 'blah' persay it's just that the structure is lacking for me to really get into it.

Though, obv. I don't speak for all readers it's just something that I personally noted.

 

 

actually that is good to know. maybe one long block of words can overwhelm a reader. good insight.

[rosschandler]

I appreciate the fact that you can continue a nice, flowing line for this long but I have to say you kind of lost me. Without verses to dictate some kind of topical progression, it is tough to see if this poem is going anywhere. I have no doubt that you had intentions for this poem but you have to understand that when you continue on a poem this long, the point and message are lost in the noise. Also, the first and last line aren't hook lines. This poem could be strengthened greatly by the addition of some punch lines at the beginning or end of this poem. Just some thoughts, you may take them as you will.

 

i write almost stream of conciousness style. it pours out of me and i dont stop. i guess james joyce was seen as long winded and rambling. i appreciate the insight though. i just spit it out ...i think it took me like 3 hours. its hard rhyming. no one seems to credit that.

[moonqueen]

Ross, hi! I'm here to tell you I love this one and I appreciate more than you can know, how difficult it can be to do this. The rhyme, the rhythm and of course, most importatly, the reason. Rhyming can be very hard to do and then go ahead and using only real words, correctly, have it make sense, to boot.

 

No, they can say what they want, I guess, but to my thinking, this is FANTASTIC. I understand perfectly why there are no breaks for verses. This IS the verse. A long verse, granted, but not more than you needed. I would love to quote some of my favorite parts, but there are too many and don't know where to start. Hell, they're all my favorites. This is an excellent piece of work, in my opinion, but then that's what it all is, isn't it? Matters of opinions. I love it and will read it more than once more!! Your talent is impressive.

 

btw--a typo (I"ve counted it 3 times and will do so no more ) It's around lines 83-86 ( think it's 85, but...). It should be "thank the Lord you're..." rather than

"your". There's my criticism.

 

Tammi

Edited April 1, 2011 by moonqueen

[rosschandler]

Ross, hi! I'm here to tell you I love this one and I appreciate more than you can know, how difficult it can be to do this. The rhyme, the rhythm and of course, most importatly, the reason. Rhyming can be very hard to do and then go ahead and using only real words, correctly, have it make sense, to boot.

 

No, they can say what they want, I guess, but to my thinking, this is FANTASTIC. I understand perfectly why there are no breaks for verses. This IS the verse. A long verse, granted, but not more than you needed. I would love to quote some of my favorite parts, but there are too many and don't know where to start. Hell, they're all my favorites. This is an excellent piece of work, in my opinion, but then that's what it all is, isn't it? Matters of opinions. I love it and will read it more than once more!! Your talent is impressive.

 

btw--a typo (I"ve counted it 3 times and will do so no more ) It's around lines 83-86 ( think it's 85, but...). It should be "thank the Lord you're..." rather than

"your". There's my criticism.

 

Tammi

 

thank you. you made my day. it is one long verse...one long strain of thought that is spouted out. it is very disheartening in this forum and others the blah responses to metered rhyming poetry. the contemporary post modernist movement of ts eliot and ezra pound in the early 1900's crushed the soul of rhyme. it is en vogue to not rhyme now. people think it is trite and superflous and unnecessary. it is the only way i can write poetry. i do not harp on others poetry cuz i realize it may be the only way they write poetry. there is prose and poetry....rhyming definitely fits in poetry. nearly every line is 8 syllables for over 85 lines.....to me that is astonishing to accomplish. i just get down because no one cares. is it animosity due to its complexity or intimidation? i dunno. it is unique in this forum for sure. i think all of our poetry is great. no one writes ad poetry. but there are works that deserve some appreciation for their technicality.

 

thank you again it means alot to me. and lastly the feelings in this poem are true to me. i wrote this a few years ago and it shows my sadness. it is very hard to share such raw emotions with people and i just appreciate your feedback.

[moonqueen]

Ross, hi! I'm here to tell you I love this one and I appreciate more than you can know, how difficult it can be to do this. The rhyme, the rhythm and of course, most importatly, the reason. Rhyming can be very hard to do and then go ahead and using only real words, correctly, have it make sense, to boot.

 

No, they can say what they want, I guess, but to my thinking, this is FANTASTIC. I understand perfectly why there are no breaks for verses. This IS the verse. A long verse, granted, but not more than you needed. I would love to quote some of my favorite parts, but there are too many and don't know where to start. Hell, they're all my favorites. This is an excellent piece of work, in my opinion, but then that's what it all is, isn't it? Matters of opinions. I love it and will read it more than once more!! Your talent is impressive.

 

btw--a typo (I"ve counted it 3 times and will do so no more ) It's around lines 83-86 ( think it's 85, but...). It should be "thank the Lord you're..." rather than

"your". There's my criticism.

 

Tammi

 

thank you. you made my day. it is one long verse...one long strain of thought that is spouted out. it is very disheartening in this forum and others the blah responses to metered rhyming poetry. the contemporary post modernist movement of ts eliot and ezra pound in the early 1900's crushed the soul of rhyme. it is en vogue to not rhyme now. people think it is trite and superflous and unnecessary. it is the only way i can write poetry. i do not harp on others poetry cuz i realize it may be the only way they write poetry. there is prose and poetry....rhyming definitely fits in poetry. nearly every line is 8 syllables for over 85 lines.....to me that is astonishing to accomplish. i just get down because no one cares. is it animosity due to its complexity or intimidation? i dunno. it is unique in this forum for sure. i think all of our poetry is great. no one writes ad poetry. but there are works that deserve some appreciation for their technicality.

 

thank you again it means alot to me. and lastly the feelings in this poem are true to me. i wrote this a few years ago and it shows my sadness. it is very hard to share such raw emotions with people and i just appreciate your feedback.

 

 

Good, bad or otherwise, I'm a person who tends to bare her soul, quite rapidly. It's in my writing (mostly depressing, depressive pieces, that I consider to be among my best work) and oh, so evident in my oral communications. I am a crazily emotional individual and my feelings tend to rather 'spatter' all in their path.

 

I would like to post a piece here (dark fantasy, sexual, politically incorrect, in that it somewhat debases women) for which I know there is an audience somewhere, but am not sure it would be appreciated here, based on rhyme and content. I posted it at another forum and it got some of the highest marks of anything I've posted there (over 250 pieces), but am not sure this is the correct venue for it. I don't wish to offend anyone, referring to the content part, I don't care if people don't care for rhyme. I've heard it both ways, though. I've been told on my free verse that some rhyme might improve it (PUH!) and I've taken a good bit of grief for rhymes I've posted. I used to believe I could only write rhyming poetry or prose. I've discovered I can write a lot of different kinds pieces, but once I adjusted to free verse, it is my most common way to write. I love the freedoms it gives me, allowing me to use more of the English language. But then I turn around and write form poetry (I especially enjoy writing counted syllabic poems) just to force myself to conform to something, even if temporarily.

 

Well, blah, blah, blah, eh? Again, I loved it and you should be very proud of it. Believe me, there really are a lot of people who still enjoy rhyme, immensely. Enough.

 

Tammi

Edited April 1, 2011 by moonqueen

[tonyv]

I enjoyed this part in the "forest" series, Ross. And I always appreciate when people post metrical pieces, whether rhymed or unrhymed. So, please don't attribute some peoples' lack of enthusiasm for rhyme and/or meter to a characteristic of the forum.

 

To me, rhyme is simply a poetic device; sometimes I employ it, sometimes I don't. In fact, if you look at my archive topic and check out some of my poems, you'll find exactly that: most of them are metrical, and probably about half of them employ rhyme. The only difference is I couldn't write a long poem if I tried. I think a sonnet (itself a short form) is about the longest poem I've written. So, I'm always a bit awed when poets produce longer poems. (I don't know how they do it!)

 

Even so, I will say that I find myself drawn more to shorter poems. It doesn't matter who the author is, and it has nothing to do with his skill; it could be Keats or a hack, but I usually skip over reading the longer ones (in my books, not here -- I read this one). Though I've concluded that that's probably less of a "preference" and more of a symptom of my own laziness.

 

One additional note. If you ever look at the lyrics of some rap songs, you'll see that the works can be surprisingly long and complex. This work, though not a rap, has the "flava" of a rap song. So, keep on rhyming and "step-writin' the next cypher." You never know who your fans might be!

 

Tony

[Benjamin]

Hello Ross.

It's unusual on poetry forums these days to find poets who'll post or even admit to being rhymers. There seems to be some sort of snobbery about it. This forum has a variety of contributors, some do-- some don't out of preference. I write as I feel, and usually end up with an even mix of rhymed and unrhymed stuff. As an oldster, I appreciate the time, effort and knowledge required to produce good rhyming poetry. This one is rather dark although I particularly liked the lines. “Is the very heart of Heaven/ pounding every seven seconds/ like a firefly pulsating/ fading in and out creating/ such a sacred sound and rhythm/ that insists you wait and listen.” Benjamin

[Aleksandra]

Very profound poem, rosschandler. I enjoyed the way of flowing on every next verse. The depth is that what attracted me in this poem.

 

Thank you for sharing it.

 

Aleksandra

[Rea]

In this forest by this river

 

Wretched as I rot and whither

 

So familiar as I notice

 

Wipe away my tears and focus

 

on a dying Lotus lying

 

on the forest floor and crying

 

for his loving bloody Rose

 

is about to decompose

 

tragic scenes are all I've seen

 

as I look around and feign

 

for some crimson lips to kiss

 

any form of normal Bliss

 

or I'll slit my listless wrists

 

wait and watch the bloody drips

 

as they drop and flood from me

 

they will never stop you see

 

I can bleed without my breath

 

And in this chest my Soul accepts

 

Is the very heart of Heaven

 

pounding every seven seconds

 

like a firefly pulsating

 

fading in and out creating

 

such a sacred sound and rhythm

 

that insists you wait and listen

 

yet forgotten and forsaken

 

in these rotten woods I'm aching

 

in this chill my will is breaking

 

take me Death! This is frustrating

 

for I'm left to keep on waiting

 

contemplating when I wonder

 

will the end just send me under

 

for this haunting, howling wind

 

won't stop taunting all my sins

 

all I'm wanting is forgiveness

 

and I know my past I'll live with

 

But must it be in such a dismal

 

Dark and dank place so abysmal

 

As this forest frail and frozen

 

That my Fate for me has chosen

 

I only wish this punishment

 

Cracks me with its cleansing whip

 

Till I taste a tortured tear

 

And face the future with no fear

 

I abhor this forest floor

 

And her wicked woods deplore

 

Nothing but a blackness lacking

 

Any signs of life or laughing

 

Dancing with dissatisfaction

 

Raw and wretched from inaction

 

Blistered, twisted and tormented

 

Festered, foaming and fermented

 

Madly rabid and demented

 

Unrelentingly intended

 

but to be the most maligned

 

vindictive forest by design

 

shiver will I shake and shutter

 

silently without an utter

 

crucified and crushed I'm crying

 

but you will not hear me dying

 

for inside I'll keep on hiding

 

never will you know im lying

 

when I mention my contentions

 

for they'll seem so unrepentant

 

vanquished in this evil scented

 

indolent and unlamented

 

forest few can ever weather

 

or endure or dare endeavor

 

those who chose to never ever

 

let their faith be sadly severed

 

surely not by choice they choose this

 

who would ever think to do this

 

eat the fruit forbidden to us

 

I have come and now must go

 

I spent my time repenting so

 

And burdened with but bitterness

 

Forced to stare at emptiness

 

Suffer did I so remised

 

Clenched my fist could not resist

 

to crush the lust that must persist

 

time is now your turn to burn

 

all your life this strife was earned

reap so sweet what sweet you sew

 

and toast the glowing winter snow

 

raise in praise your glass with glee

 

thank the Lord your finally free

 

from the shackles of disease

 

from these trees of misery

 

run until the sun you see

 

and with your wings do wet the sky

 

soaring toward the Lord who lies

 

with a loving flock of doves

 

fly into the night above

 

might your destiny unfold

 

and softly whisper to your soul

 

lullabies and little lies

 

to keep you vigilant and wise

 

on your toes and unsurprised

 

when, my friend, you realize

 

that everything is an illusion

 

viewed in such a skewed delusion

 

withered when you wake and wonder

 

when will Heaven send her thunder

 

spite the night with lightning lashing

 

striking every time with passion

 

lighting all the stars on fire

 

inviting all the light I sire

 

to understand my damned desire

 

to leave this forest dim and dire

 

 

 

Wow! Ross, some poem, I really love it, it reads like a rap song, however, a sophisticated rap song, rhymed brilliantly, this is not meant to offend, just my opinion, I could feel the melody jump from the page.

The content is a little sad, deep and questioning, life is as such, answers do not come easily, we follow a path, and sometimes we have to play a part in the direction.

I read a reply you wrote, this was written with a stream of consciousness, what a brillant rhyming mind you have got, I was moved by the emotion that emits throughout the poem.

I also thought a break here and there, would help, however, acceptance of works from Poets gone by with longer poems, did not hamper the enjoyment of their works, and the same applies here.

Best wishes

Rea

Edited April 25, 2011 by Rea