Tinker Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 Path to Stillness "Be still and know I am God." Psalms 46:10 Framed by glossy leaves dipped in Merlot, the corolla curves like the flounce at the bottom of a prom gown. And from the sculpted flutters, edged with a brush of crimson, shadows and swells wash from mustard to pale sunshine. A smear of red stains the back of one imperfect petal as if a pricked finger had reached out and stroked its buttery surface. At the hub golden nubs spread open releasing a gentle sweetness in invitation to the stillness I seek. Flutterby Rose (original) "Be still and know I am God." Psalms 46:10 Edged with a brush of crimson, the corolla curves like the flounce at the bottom of a prom gown and from the sculpted flutters, shadows and wells deepen from ripe yellow to subdued ochre. A smear of red, stains the back of one imperfect petal as if a pricked finger had reached out and stroked its soft surface. A faint fresh scent floats gently in seductive invitation and tiny pistils with golden nubs spread open to their center. Framed by glossy green leaves dipped in wine, in this moment, it is my path to stillness. -- Judi Van Gorder Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 What lovely imagery! The corolla (had to look that one up )/prom dress similie delights, and this part makes quite and impact: From the sculpted flutters, shadows and wells deepen from ripe yellow to subdued ochre, a smear of red stains the back of an imperfect petal as if a pricked finger had reached out and stroked its soft perimeter. The ending makes it personal: Framed by glossy green leaves, dipped in wine, in the moment, this is my path to stillness, and the epigraph supplements the poem perfectly by alluding to the source of the beauty. Next to your Solitaire poem, this one is also another favorite of mine. Very fine work! Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted May 12, 2009 Author Share Posted May 12, 2009 Hi Tony, Thank you for getting this in its roughest state. I have been working on the rewrite and took some photos this morning. Unfortunately the rose I used for the poem had wilted by the time I thought to take a photo and there aren't many open blossoms on the bush right now so I couldn't duplicate the poem's rose, but I got a couple of shots even though I am not the greatest photographer. I am glad you liked it. ~~Tink Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 Hi Tinker, Funny that you mention including a photo. I was going to say, after my first quick read, that I thought an included photo would be nice (like I did with my Crocus poem on the old site). But upon my second (closer) read, I came to the conclusion that this poem is so vivid a photo was not necessary, so I omitted that part in my comment. These lines are perfect, and anyone who has ever looked closely at a similar flower (the iris come to mind) knows exactly what you mean: a smear of red stains the back of an imperfect petal as if a pricked finger had reached out and stroked its soft perimeter. But thank you for including the picture nonetheless. It's a nice supplement to the poem. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoelJosol Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 Love this descriptive poem and the soft transition to the ending. Quote "Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 Tinker very soft poem. Together with the photos ( they are soo nice ) makes a composition completely. The revised version works better for me. And the expression Path to Stillness sounds wonderful. I loved. The ending part goes so well and the last line hits and it is perfect end: Tiny pistils with golden nubs spread open to their center and a faint scent floats gently in invitation to the stillness I seek. Thank you for sharing this wonderful poem Tinker. Aleksandra Quote The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
summayya Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 Lovely imagery! what caught me was the imperfect petal I think, I think...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wistful Poet Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 I like the pictures that go with it. You should blow it up and write your poem on it Tink. That would look pretty cool! Quote "If you are faced with a dissappointment or a bad situation ask, will it matter in 10 years? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 Hi Tink, This is merciless teasing - posting two fabulous poems! what strikes one is the sheer sensuality of the details of the flower. me thinks, for what its worth that this is one of your great poems in recent weeks. I particularly love the build up to this moment: "...a faint scent floats gently in invitation to the stillness I seek...." Truly magnificent! goldenlangur Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank E Gibbard Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 I've dipped into the archive works just a bit upon my arrival and picked your flower poem I am admittedly familiar with from elsewhere Tinker. I see you living up to your name tinkering (sorry to create the revision ) but thought your first effort was fine and an alluring bloom already. Frank Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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