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young again [R] (double Etheree)


moonqueen
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young again [R] (double Etheree)

 

she

took off

her blue silk

panties and let

her gown fall onto

the floor. steam drifted up

around her face to caress

her skin with a scented moisture.

she thought of the man waiting for her,

his promises made her feel young again.

he told her he thinks she is beautiful

and he touched her as if it were true;

his fingers healed her soul and mind.

his soft lips caused such tremors

she had screamed out loud. she

now felt so alive.

she knew he was

worth every

cent she'd

paid.

 

 

02-10-10

©tlp 2010

 

 

Edited by moonqueen
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abstrect-christ

nice, though i think there's a typo in line 9 where tought should be thought.

Pinhead

"Unbearable, isn't it? The suffering of strangers, the agony of friends.

There is a secret song at the center of the world, Joey, and its sound is like razors through flesh."

Joey

"I don't believe you."

Pinhead

"Oh come, you can hear its faint echo right now. I'm here to turn up the volume.

To press the stinking face of humanity into the dark blood of its own secret heart."

"There's a starving beast inside my chest
playing with me until he's bored
Then, slowly burying his tusks in my flesh
crawling his way out he rips open old wounds

When I reach for the knife placed on the bedside table
its blade reflects my determined face
to plant it in my chest
and carve a hole so deep it snaps my veins

Hollow me out, I want to feel empty"
-- "Being Able To Feel Nothing" by Oathbreaker

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aBPy3xNwwL8

"Sky turns to a deeper grey

the sun fades by the moon

hell's come from the distant hills

tortures dreams of the doomed

and they pray, yet they prey

and they pray, still they prey"
-- "Still They Prey" by Cough

https://soundcloud.com/relapserecords/sets/cough-still-they-pray

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nice, though i think there's a typo in line 9 where tought should be thought.

 

Thanks, Jeremy, I just caught that, as well.

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Ah, a relaxing massage ... Nice job with the form, Tammi. In fact, I think it's a perfect choice for the poem. The centering of the lines and the color of the text in L3 are nice touches, too (pun intended).

 

Tony :)

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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Hi Tammi Sorry for the delay in getting round to you. It's good to see you trying something different. The format works well with this subject matter which is unusual and entertaining. I think you could add a dimension to the older woman's role by amending L9 “she thought of the boy waiting for her,” This would give it a “Last Picture Show” feel. Also L12/ onward, a little tweaking-- perhaps, “and caressed her as if it were true;/ his fingers touched her soul and mind./ his soft lips caused such tremors/ that she'd screamed out loud. and/ now felt so alive”. The “soul and mind” line sounds just a little cliched: changing “healed” for “touched” or “reached” or something else even, will allow a little leeway for a rethink. I enjoyed the read and hope this helps. G.

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rosschandler

nice image. good desrciption of a moment that can be so emotional.

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Larsen M. Callirhoe

WOW, tami erotic. made me think of my of beloved marianna we are getting married in a few months. i am re enlisting into the service.. i will be a lieutenant commander. i have several masters and 2 doctrates i will be one of the head chaplins in the pacificc fleet if i pass the physicals. then agaiin maybe i am full of it lol. seriously i will read this to my sweet heart. she is roman catholic orthodox like alekandra. she is a minor e

verywhere but kentucky. she is in love with. i am a mason and catholic. i attended methodst churches my whole life. i converted to a mormon in 2001. i am by birth right a levirite priest. i was annointed by the holy ghost to be a priest in 1984 when i was 13 years old. i on't do animal sacrifices at all. i prayed and blessed people until i became paralyzed in 1996. i am going to be healed soon by ET's lol. i love your poem. i am dreaming about making love to marianna lol. peace out my friend.

 

love with grace

victor michael

Larsen M. Callirhoe

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young again [R] (double Etheree)

 

she

took off

her blue silk

panties and let

her gown fall onto

the floor. steam drifted up

around her face to caress

her skin with a scented moisture.

she thought of the man waiting for her,

his promises made her feel young again.

he told her he thinks she is beautiful

and he touched her as if it were true;

his fingers healed her soul and mind.

his soft lips caused such tremors

she had screamed out loud. she

now felt so alive.

she knew he was

worth every

cent she'd

paid.

 

 

02-10-10

©tlp 2010

 

 

 

This is so unfair to the elderly of the opposite persuasion. Is it hot in here? Another hot flash? So well-written, and even an O'Henry twist.

Edited by fdelano
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