Another Time (Revised)

[fdelano]

Another Time (Revised)

 

Just standing, watching,

large and small pieces and shards

scattered for at least a quarter mile.

The camouflaged tail section, still whole,

its four, fifty caliber guns pointing, not aiming.

 

Trees down like bowling pins--

cleared by the crash landing.

No sign of life or even body parts apparent.

I listen for anything,

anybody.

 

A few minutes pass as I stand still, tense,

sensing something about to happen,

but my mind is simply open.

 

A murmur creeps through the metal,

the sound weak, attenuated by tangled growth.

 

A short moan, then a definite "Please."

 

Is that you, gunner? Are you in there?

 

Bolt upright in bed, covers flung aside.

I stifle a scream with realization

of where I sit, staring into darkness,

sweat-soaked and shaking slightly

from transition of mental confusion.

 

A soft mew from an old feral cat

below my window, a frequent visitor,

seeking God knows what, in his own world

and I in mine. I manage a weak grin.

Tonight has ended for me.

[tonyv]

Good rewrite, Franklin. You kept the emotion I felt the most in the first version: relief. You also retained that concomitant, settled sense of looking back on life.

 

Tony