Rea Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 (edited) Love Through moons of starlit crystal bars and dark blue wine perfumed bazaars He threaded golden beaded love, embroidering the stars © Rea 8th May 2011 Love Through moons of crystal bars and dark blue wine bazaars He threaded golden beaded love, embrodeiring the stars © Rea 8th May 2011 Edited May 14, 2011 by Rea Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badger11 Posted May 14, 2011 Share Posted May 14, 2011 A full on romantic concoction. bars/bazaars threaded/beaded - liked those as well as the 'dark blue wine' - the 'moons of starlit crystal' was overly poetic for my taste. enjoyed badge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted May 14, 2011 Share Posted May 14, 2011 There's an alfresco feel to this one, Rea. I like its compact form. (Is it a form? I can't place it ... ) Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rea Posted May 14, 2011 Author Share Posted May 14, 2011 A full on romantic concoction. bars/bazaars threaded/beaded - liked those as well as the 'dark blue wine' - the 'moons of starlit crystal' was overly poetic for my taste. enjoyed badge Hello Badger I have posted this poem the way I originally wrote it, if it was too poetic for you, I failed to achieve. Thank you for commenting. Best wishes Rea Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badger11 Posted May 15, 2011 Share Posted May 15, 2011 (edited) I have posted this poem the way I originally wrote it, if it was too poetic for you, I failed to achieve. Not really Rea, although I enjoyed the parts rather than the whole, it is a poem that will appeal to many. The beauty of this forum is that it accommodates many writing styles and reading tastes. It is richer forum to participate in for that reason. cheers badge Edited May 15, 2011 by badger11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjamin Posted May 15, 2011 Share Posted May 15, 2011 Hello Rea. Perhaps it's my earthy disposition, but it triggered a vision of those 'crystal moons of mirrored glass' that revolve, with spotlights playing on them; shooting out little darts of light at all within their range who are seeking love. Benjamin. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted May 15, 2011 Share Posted May 15, 2011 Hi Rhea, This is truly lovely. It is such a fantacy of love the way we hope it would be. I loved the images... thought I think I prefer the bottom version best, it just seemed to flow more fluidly. I don't know which is the revision. Either way it is beautiful. ~~Tink Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larsen M. Callirhoe Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 i like the bottom version better in my narrow-minded opinion. but both are very lovely. the second showed more then told. the first had a few extra adjectives that revealed by telling more by implicating what expressions the reader should have, while the second version minus a few words showed what the reader might visualise with telling them. loved it either way. victor michael Quote Larsen M. Callirhoe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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