Breaking Up

[Larsen M. Callirhoe]

I remember the day when we first met.

That special look in your eyes

that you gave me, that you always

gave me thereafter thru out

the relationship. I really loved

the attention you gave me back then.

Likewise I loved indulging in you.

 

Oh, how I reflected today reminiscing

pondering robustfully in much faith.

My belief back then was to capture

your desires completely everyday.

I was mystified being completely

bewildered over you and so

simplified persona wise.

 

Oh, how you truly made my eyes

melt the snow like magic someway

every year as each passing winter

snow did fall from the sky.

 

It was always like magic for us.

It seemed every winter we celebrated

our anniversary together.

Somehow, someway, we always managed

to find sometime to share together

time to watch the snowflakes

float to the ground during

wintertime when snow fell out.

 

Earlier that day when we both

first glanced at one another.

I felt fire in my spirit

especially after hearing your

intriguing most gleeful voice.

After you heard my charismatic voice

you knew in your heart we were

meant to be and so did I.

 

The day we first met it was more then

love at first site for us each.

Fireworks went off in your head.

You told me this to when

you and I had first engaged in talking.

That will always be a most magical moment

back then of time for us both being etched

in our recollected memories and memoirs.

 

That amazing first eye to eye glance

back then we both did share of us we will

always both hold it dear and sacred.

We both couldn't keep our eyes

off one another in reflection.

We both chased the sparks flying and the

the signals we sent were very clear.

 

When I did eventually ask you for

your home phone number hours later.

I can only recall a most happy

look on your face and contenance.

You also were not only so eager

to give it to me but, I made your

hopes become a true reality.

I confessed fast I was indeed

insinuating desiring to be

a item with you willingly.

 

Funny how time really does change

the perception and understanding

of one's outlook on life.

This relationship would definitely

come back to bite me in the ass!

 

I remembered our first date

Christmas Day 1995.

We went to see a movie

lots of laughter.

It was titled "Love at First Bite."

I even remembered our first kiss

down at the river dock New Year's Eve

Winter of 1995. This sweet memory

we both shared back then.

 

How I only wished

that we could relive

those truly special

magical moments

we both went thru..

 

Unfortunately fate tore us apart.

 

You had your modeling career.

I had my traveling with the business

practice I opened up a few years prior.

 

When you told me tonight you were leaving me

because you were seeing another man sexually.

Oh my God, my heart mustof fainted

a million miles away though how could've

you ever of seen that I figured assertively.

Did you still even care I wondered absorbingly?

 

"What about the kids," I wanted to tell her.

My thoughts were what about our kids. I thought.

Dwelling on the issue of care concerning our kids

I recognized this real necessity knowingly and quickly.

She in this spat might just become to tantilizing

even for my own inward taste. For I started thinking

half archaicly to myself that somehow she could or

would really might decide to really respond to me now.

I plead, prayed, beseeched, and entreated her deligently.

The picture I had resembling our union was now not what

I had visioned it to be. The magic was completely over.

 

Wishing that she had only listened to me mere months ago.

It is time indeed to talk for more then a few freaking

moments. We have to start discussing custody rights too.

It seems she had other plans for herself tonight also.

Besides all the in-crowd models would more-then-likely

be there. Lots of booze, cocaine, and easy females no doubt.

My wife's kinda scene. This year's all the Santa's Helpers

will be attending the annual Christmas bash a sure smash.

 

Walking extremely fast out the door one stormy night

of our once humble abode being somewhat p------off.

She my wife slammed the house door walking towards

her car very angerly. I never saw it coming the signs

that she was so unhappy and wanted to leave now for months.

Self-righteously I was thinking as she drove out of

the car driveway. Self absorbed I was screaming at her

now very loudly at the top of my lungs to no avail

some very choice words expletively. "And what about

the twenty years of marriage, what about that."

It all caught up on me so fast the realization

that my marriage was now in shambles.

.

How could you have just walked away from me?

 

With that all to self-indulgent demeanoring look

in your face that you always gave me when you were

upset with me. That is how you left me.

A moment that will haunt me forever.

 

I wept when my eyes hit the pillow that night.

How, oh, how could I face the next day.

I was alone, hadn't felt this way in twenty years.

I wanted to die without you by my side.

Inwardly I had to go on and be strong.

I had to go on and fight if for nothing else

then to go on for the sake of our three lovely daughters.

If she hadn't left me yesterday telling me of her infidelities

it would have been our 20th anniversary today.

 

I woke up very gingerly the next morning very early.

I woke up to a solace pounding on the door at around 6:00 am.

Still partially drunk from cursing up a storm at God

the night before I half fell stumbling over

a empty Voldka bottle reaching for the door.

It was a County Sherrif with two county crisis counselors

looking so dejected and melancholic at me.

 

Still feeling so very heartbroken and somewhat drunk

from the foolish lewdness I partook of the night before.

I was thinking selfishly to myself. What else

could it possible be now? As if any other misfortune

would bestowed on me worse than divorce papers.

God what could this be now? What is transpiring?

The patrol man saw I was already feeling

really downtrodden said to me saddly

"Sir we regret to inform you your wife

was in a car accident around 11:00 pm last night.

She died on the scene off exit 21 of Highway 1."

 

The last thing I remembered about her was this.

She gave me the same glance she gave me way back

when we first met. This transparent look was my

last memory I had of her. I would also talk about

the last time we both chatted before she left at

the funeral as she drove away out of the driveway

like a bat outof Hell. To me it was at least a nod

that she did still feel the times we shared together.

Her look she gave me when we first fell in love as she

drove away will haunt me I reckon till my dieing days.

 

Then again maybe someone new will come.

 

It would all be a blur till after the final wake.

"What about our daughters, Christ," I said.

 

Even more teardrops fell so quickly streaming

down burstng out of my already welted up teary

misty eyes crying heavily all night till a few

hours before the news I received about me

becoming a widow. Immeadiately following the

words that the deputy spoke to me his spoken

words continued echoing in my already depressed

thoughts playing havoc with my heart making it

also ache so much the pain that pounded in my veins.

 

All three of my daughters nudged

me swiftly after the officer's words

being woken and disturbed by the loud

commotion brewing also. They embraced '

me already weeping adamently. It took

all my strenght and courage to muster

up a weak conviction which is all I

could say then to them. I said "despite

the loss of my wife and being your mother

also we will still continue to grow

together always as a family unit

honoring her till we are old and grey."

 

At the funeral I did the eulogy.

To see my young vibrant daughters so happy

only a few days ago. Now weeping so hard.

That was all the burden my passionate heart

could surmise or ever take.

 

After all I was therefore only human.

Edited October 4, 2011 by Larsen M. Callirhoe

[David W. Parsley]

Victor, you and Tink are ganging up on us here. You sucker punched me at the end and I don't think I will soon forget. A lot of the "found" here in this monologue, a lot of idiom, lending authenticity. (And immediacy - I still suspect you and Tinker plotted this.) Personal preference: pare down more - sock us even harder. I also think it would be okay to fix the spelling without damaging the persona.

 

- Dave

[Larsen M. Callirhoe]

thanks dave for your much welcomed remarks. yes i think i suckered everyone on this one. it is a fabrication i admit. if it was a real life event i would be mad at god for the timing. i tried to make the guy more human by him foolishly turning to booze instead of praying with his family if not only for validity and understanding for them to seek peace in all things. if not only thru christ the lord. i did use quite a few idioms amd could of's and would of's. but i tried to paint a quick picture on a comment to me about writting about saddness s

 

once i wrote a lot of cliche' heartache archtypical self indulgent type of poems and poetry. dave i am paralyzed . been that way for 15 years now in a couple weeks. i am 40 years old now. i haven't lived much in 15 years. i lived allot till i was 25. partied to hard and did a lot of traveling. i do a lot of writing in spurts,' now.

 

mucho gracis senior. mucho amigos und amigas of this forum.

 

 

dave thank you for reading and commenting.,

 

 

 

victor michael

[Benjamin]

Hello Victor. Such a wide range of emotive ups and downs to take in. “Love at First Bite” gave me a smile. Thanks. Benjamin.

[Frank E Gibbard]

Good dramatisation in verse, Larse, well worth reading. Frank

[tonyv]

I enjoyed how you interwove the chronological sequence of events with the narrator's thought processes. The familiar cultural references were also a treat and helped to make it real, at least for me. Great work, Victor.

 

Tony

[Larsen M. Callirhoe]

yes it is a little long. maybe i should write short stories instead. i am gearing that way instead of writing poetry. :((((

 

thank you everyone who left responses. and thank you for all who read this. it is a fabrication of course. there is truth in this whole poem but wrote in a jedi mind set sorta way. my wife left me. she didn't die. the girlfriend i was engaged to before her diedd in the late 90's. i have three chrildren. one of them died in the car accident august 12, 1996 a boy. my ex my wife at the time was banged up severly but i ended up with broken vertabrae and she with bruises all over her legs stomach and chest. i saw my son in a near death experience i being heavily medicated sad to me dadda or daddy i love you five years after the accident. my ex might not even know she had a miscarriage. his name is larsen benjamin. the other two lol. please don't laugh at me. i guess this is one time you don't drink and do drugs. two females at a social party gathering of people we worked with at chilli's at a friend's house drugged me up with ruffies and tekila and i thought they both were pretty. but one of the young ladies was overweight because of medial reasons and thought maybe i would turn her down. she always bathed, she always wore perume properly, but she had put on like 60 pounds in 4 months. her friend and a friend of mine also had a boyfriennd and she was real hot looking. she seduced me annd then i got the other girl pregnant. i really liked her but she and the other girl moved away with the other girl's boyfriend. the other child i don't want to talk about lol.

 

 

victor