Benjamin Posted July 30, 2011 Share Posted July 30, 2011 (edited) There are a thousand and one noises of the night, and he knew every one. From ghostly creaks, to dying embers where he warmed cold hands, and with sang-froid, pictured God. A cosmic apiarist: with a hat, screen, and smoke; constantly asserting order. With duties for all bees within his realm and nutritious harvests to reap. And here stood he--- King of a nether world of his own. Though wicked spoliation of proof would germinate to malicious glee. For as surely as water seeks it's own level, justice finds a level of it's own. And the ephemeral benefits of a dubious life, disappeared in ticking shots of hail. Shots: that ricocheted off cold window panes, and masked the approach of minions he'd laughed at, as he ransacked the sleeping house. Edited August 3, 2011 by Benjamin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David W. Parsley Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 Paraphrasing the poet, LeRoy Meagher, it is about being in "love with the sound of words." Again, I just like the way the poem sounds, the way it moves. I hope you let that movement take its time in completing, Benjamin. The rest of the opus will be just as interesting, but I wonder if it will leap quite as freely as the bars you are composing now, and yet be the richer for having followed. Meanwhile, I like the poem for its own sake. There is a whimsical defiance about the whole sequence of images and declarations. - Dave Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjamin Posted July 31, 2011 Author Share Posted July 31, 2011 I thank you for your feedback David. My interests have many facets, probably due to the amount of reading I get through. 'Gentleman George' Smithson was a notorious English burglar who published his memoirs in 1930. He was known as, “The Modern Raffles” and specialized in burgling the mansions and stately homes of the rich. He always sought the ultimate coup to raise him out of a life of crime, but spent much of his life in various prisons. Benjamin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 I love the way you capture scenes within a historical context via exacting word choice and clever metaphors- poems not just about a time but within that time... Enjoyed! DC&J Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank E Gibbard Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 I thank you for your feedback David. My interests have many facets, probably due to the amount of reading I get through. 'Gentleman George' Smithson was a notorious English burglar who published his memoirs in 1930. He was known as, "The Modern Raffles" and specialized in burgling the mansions and stately homes of the rich. He always sought the ultimate coup to raise him out of a life of crime, but spent much of his life in various prisons. Benjamin I found this fascinating material before, and again, Geoff .. .. Once again enjoyed the read. Good writing as usual & admirable use of research. Frank Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larsen M. Callirhoe Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 yes i remember this bloke lol.alife of crime he depised but continued tolive this way because of lack of necessaties most of us rather work hard for. i would assume your heart would be troubled of the track of life this leads your soul to which is a high blood pressure jumpy and quick bouncy type of havoc this lifestyle presents you with. victor Quote Larsen M. Callirhoe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjamin Posted August 1, 2011 Author Share Posted August 1, 2011 DC. Initially I considered writing this as traditional blank verse but decided the modern syllabic triquain-swirl was better suited to the presentation of how and what I wanted to say. Frank. It helps to have a friend who buys and sells old books but seldom reads them himself. :icon_sunny: Victor. I believe that crime as a career option is much more successful at boardroom level than at street level. My thanks to all for reading and commenting. Benjamin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David W. Parsley Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 Benjamin, one more observation, now that I know this is a historical figure. With your penchant for surrealism, there is a good chance that many readers will not recognize the true subject of the poem. In my case, I actually missed some of the main thrust (which may be okay - your call). Even after learning the subject's identity, I was not able to easily reproduce the trail. Googling on "Gentleman George" brings me first to a wrestler, then an actor, and on to others. If you like, you could have a sub-title, or even a note below the poem explaining the reference. - Dave Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjamin Posted August 2, 2011 Author Share Posted August 2, 2011 Hello Dave. You have a valid point about the title. I posted this without footnote initially to see if it would stand on its own.. It is a poem of arrogance and repercussion with karmic pivot at L16. Perhaps a different title would help with extended metaphor. Thanks for your feedback..Benjamin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 The form is unfamiliar to me, but I think it's a perfect selection for the subject matter. It has an "order out of chaos" quality that seems perfectly matched with the upwardly aspiring rascal's mind. Adeptly crafted, Geoff. I loved this one. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjamin Posted August 5, 2011 Author Share Posted August 5, 2011 Your comments are much appreciated Tony. Shelley Cephas is credited with the creation of the triquain-swirl in 2006. I like the form because it has a discipline that places it somewhere between metered and free verse. Geoff Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted August 7, 2011 Share Posted August 7, 2011 Hi Geoff, The Triquain found at Shadow Poetry has been enhanced by your wriitng. I love the ebb and flow of the form but the content far exceeds its confines. A clever compelling piece. ~~Tink Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larsen M. Callirhoe Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 alife of crime he depised but continued tolive this way because of lack of necessaties most of us rather work hard for. i would assume your heart would be troubled of the track of life this leads your soul to which is a high blood pressure jumpy and quick bouncy type of havoc this lifestyle presents you with. victor Victor. I believe that crime as a career option is much more successful at boardroom level than at street level. howdy benjamin, i mean that most men would prefer to work very hard and bring home honest pay; to stealing and breaking a law of the government of that established society. and i don't mean work harrd like slave labor either which some might have assumed by the way i left my remarks wording them as. as with my own experience in stealing, fraud, embazzelment of funds, falsifying or misallociating funds...you get caught quicker imo then by just stealing a few items or by stealing a lump sum of cash. but the stress of doing such things always having to watch your back will eat you up. :)) i don't really believe the stock market works if you are just looking for marginal gain over 20 as you let it set lol. a few sharks (a few thousand families) there over a few family generations changed laws so they cn control the market. if i entered money i would pull out once i make a profit. and yes i knew what you meant. :) great poem... victor :icon_cool: :icon_cool: :icon_cool: Quote Larsen M. Callirhoe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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