Pyramid

[eclipse]

You were never the same

after Rebecca disappeared.

Mother retreated into her

labyrinths, exhausted. After

that trip out to the moors,

caught in the rain, sick with

a fever you began to construct

a small pyramid in the back garden

out of bricks from a builder's skip.

 

 

You wrapped a dead bird in bandages

and dug up the neighbour's

cat, placing them both in this

new construction. Mother screamed

when you told her it wouldn't be long

before you laid down alongside the cat and

the bird ready to be reincarnated with Rebecca.

[Tinker]

Hi Eclipse, This piece is strangely hypnotic. The cadence seems to pull the reader along reluctantly as the content gets darker and darker. It is haunting. Nice piece of writing.

 

~~Tink

[Larsen M. Callirhoe]

mesmerizing haunting cadence in your write. i believe in reincarnation and the different ways we grow together as human beings. example my grndfather will be my son or grandson. ust different slice of perspective i reckon. much enjoyed the read.

 

 

 

victor

[tonyv]

What a well-devised and appropriate vehicle for portraying grief: horror. At first glance it comes off slightly twisted, but it then sinks in and effectively immerses the reader in the speaker's struggle to cope with sorrow and win the attention of the parent. Though it's not written in the first person, I see it almost functioning like a self-portrait.

 

Tony

[Benjamin]

Conjures up dark visions for me of various abduction/murder cases over the years, and the devastated lives of victim's families who have to deal with the consequences. Such difficult subjects are awkward to portray and your clever imagery has a certain didactic feel about it.Benjamin