eclipse Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 You were never the same after Rebecca disappeared. Mother retreated into her labyrinths, exhausted. After that trip out to the moors, caught in the rain, sick with a fever you began to construct a small pyramid in the back garden out of bricks from a builder's skip. You wrapped a dead bird in bandages and dug up the neighbour's cat, placing them both in this new construction. Mother screamed when you told her it wouldn't be long before you laid down alongside the cat and the bird ready to be reincarnated with Rebecca. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 Hi Eclipse, This piece is strangely hypnotic. The cadence seems to pull the reader along reluctantly as the content gets darker and darker. It is haunting. Nice piece of writing. ~~Tink Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larsen M. Callirhoe Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 mesmerizing haunting cadence in your write. i believe in reincarnation and the different ways we grow together as human beings. example my grndfather will be my son or grandson. ust different slice of perspective i reckon. much enjoyed the read. victor Quote Larsen M. Callirhoe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 What a well-devised and appropriate vehicle for portraying grief: horror. At first glance it comes off slightly twisted, but it then sinks in and effectively immerses the reader in the speaker's struggle to cope with sorrow and win the attention of the parent. Though it's not written in the first person, I see it almost functioning like a self-portrait. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjamin Posted August 7, 2011 Share Posted August 7, 2011 Conjures up dark visions for me of various abduction/murder cases over the years, and the devastated lives of victim's families who have to deal with the consequences. Such difficult subjects are awkward to portray and your clever imagery has a certain didactic feel about it.Benjamin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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