Jump to content

the sleeper in the attic


eclipse
 Share

Recommended Posts

I no longer feel the flames

of this fire straddling two

world's. How helplessly i lay

in the attic bay as the fire-starter

carves his names into the remains

of my heart while firemen carry

me away on eternity's cart. I can

see figures scaffolding vision's

out of Cains quickened gaze in the

mirrored sky of my new home as i am

raised into the waiting room. In the distance

surgeons are updating my new existence,

they operate grafting a screen onto my

stomach, in the mirrored sky in this

new implant my previous life passes by

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Larsen M. Callirhoe

like the title. it correlates with the poem. you have a very catchy cadence type rythm to thi. much enjoy...

 

victor michael

Larsen M. Callirhoe

Link to comment
Share on other sites

David W. Parsley

As always a compelling surreality carries the weight of real-world trauma. The closing eight lines are breathless and riveting - could make even more so with removal of "as" and going straight to "I am / raised ..."

 

For me the punctuation (innovation or oversight?) distracts from the poem's movement, so I would request bringing the apostrophes in where needed, removed where not. I also would like a stronger second sentence, but I think I may have already outworn my welcome, since this has not CA marking.

 

Thanks for another original insight with the emotion to go with it.

 

- Dave

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Guidelines.