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fdelano
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late days slide warm winds

under leaves spiraling down

settling skittishly

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David W. Parsley

I like the warmth, the glide of the alliterating 's'. A few readings brought me to the sense of the days themselves sliding and settling, which may be a bit on the abstract side for the haiku form, but works for me. A purist would point out that the poem explicitly states the season, rather than implies it.

 

A nice experience!

 

- Dave

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abstrect-christ

haiku's are fun, that's why they never really ask you to put the season nor animal in english class, atleast where I am, nicely done haiku about the transitional season.

Pinhead

"Unbearable, isn't it? The suffering of strangers, the agony of friends.

There is a secret song at the center of the world, Joey, and its sound is like razors through flesh."

Joey

"I don't believe you."

Pinhead

"Oh come, you can hear its faint echo right now. I'm here to turn up the volume.

To press the stinking face of humanity into the dark blood of its own secret heart."

"There's a starving beast inside my chest
playing with me until he's bored
Then, slowly burying his tusks in my flesh
crawling his way out he rips open old wounds

When I reach for the knife placed on the bedside table
its blade reflects my determined face
to plant it in my chest
and carve a hole so deep it snaps my veins

Hollow me out, I want to feel empty"
-- "Being Able To Feel Nothing" by Oathbreaker

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aBPy3xNwwL8

"Sky turns to a deeper grey

the sun fades by the moon

hell's come from the distant hills

tortures dreams of the doomed

and they pray, yet they prey

and they pray, still they prey"
-- "Still They Prey" by Cough

https://soundcloud.com/relapserecords/sets/cough-still-they-pray

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David W. Parsley
haiku's are fun, that's why they never really ask you to put the season nor animal in english class, atleast where I am, nicely done haiku about the transitional season.

 

Hi Abs, not sure I fully follow the sense of your sentence, so forgive me if my response is completely tangential. According to my training, the question of season in Japanese verse, is one frequently misunderstood by Westerners. A purist would insist that the season be implied through use of season-associated word or set of words, known as kidai or kigo. In haiku it is normally employed or at least introduced in the opening phrase. I have found these sites informative and fun:

 

http://simplyhaiku.com/SHv4n3/features/Nobuyuki.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kigo

 

Not sure what you are saying about the inclusion of animals. People and animals have appeared in haiku/hokku for centuries. Perhaps the preeminent practitioner of the form is Basho. Here is a site I found recently, with some of his works (and others):

 

http://simplyhaiku.com/SHv4n3/features/Nobuyuki.html

 

Does this reply address your observation, or did I go off on my own drummer thing again? Do you have conflicting information you can share? Fascinating stuff!

 

- Dave

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abstrect-christ

sorry, I was just stating that even if a purist was to complain in the end a haiku is fun to to make and short and when I last did a basic look it did need a mention of a season and element of nature, not quite animal per say but animal is probably the most common thing one can use, but when I was in junior high and my english teacher told us to do haiku's I never remember her ever mentioning a season, only that it had to have an element of nature in it; got good remarks for my haiku on a bird being hunted in the rain forest; never added a season though and still got a good mark for it.(as far as it went anyways, adhd and all)

Pinhead

"Unbearable, isn't it? The suffering of strangers, the agony of friends.

There is a secret song at the center of the world, Joey, and its sound is like razors through flesh."

Joey

"I don't believe you."

Pinhead

"Oh come, you can hear its faint echo right now. I'm here to turn up the volume.

To press the stinking face of humanity into the dark blood of its own secret heart."

"There's a starving beast inside my chest
playing with me until he's bored
Then, slowly burying his tusks in my flesh
crawling his way out he rips open old wounds

When I reach for the knife placed on the bedside table
its blade reflects my determined face
to plant it in my chest
and carve a hole so deep it snaps my veins

Hollow me out, I want to feel empty"
-- "Being Able To Feel Nothing" by Oathbreaker

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aBPy3xNwwL8

"Sky turns to a deeper grey

the sun fades by the moon

hell's come from the distant hills

tortures dreams of the doomed

and they pray, yet they prey

and they pray, still they prey"
-- "Still They Prey" by Cough

https://soundcloud.com/relapserecords/sets/cough-still-they-pray

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Not a student of form or tradition or specific culture demands, but have revised this so-called haiku to fit the parameters--hopefully.

fdh

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David W. Parsley

I like the change, fd, not just for reasons of form, but because I think the piece works better this way.

 

- Dave

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I like the imagery presented here: the unusual use of “skittishly” (I'd normally associate with nervous horses-- although it has other implications:-) works well for me. G.

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