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Nocturne


Aleksandra
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A blanket of city secrets

is my cover tonight. You

exhale my last hope

through a chimney.

The streets are empty,

out of footsteps and tires.

I need the wind to hug me,

to take me to the ocean,

to draw a heart on the sand

near some road, to leave my

secret there ... I need your warmth

close to me. I am cold, I am dim.

I am a church for your sins.

The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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A blanket of city secrets

is my cover tonight. You

exhale my last hope

through a chimney.

The streets are empty,

out of footsteps and tires.

I need the wind to hug me,

to take me to the ocean,

to draw a heart on the sand

near some road, to leave my

secret there ... I need your warmth

close to me. I am cold, I am dim.

I am a church for your sins.

 

I like your last line and I may well steal it one day, but I wonder what it is doing in this poem. I suspect that I am missing something between secrets and sins.

from the black desert

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A blanket of city secrets

is my cover tonight. You

exhale my last hope

through a chimney.

The streets are empty,

out of footsteps and tires.

I need the wind to hug me,

to take me to the ocean,

to draw a heart on the sand

near some road, to leave my

secret there ... I need your warmth

close to me. I am cold, I am dim.

I am a church for your sins.

 

I love this mood piece. Perhaps it hit me at the right time as I remember a close friend, female, telling me that she would always be my priest. A wonderful gift appreciated.

fdh

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--------------- You

exhale my last hope

through a chimney.

------------------

------------------

I need the wind to hug me,

-------------------------

-------------------------

I am a church for your sins.

 

Hi Aleks, I love seeing you writing again. This piece softly pulled me into a melancholy mood. I loved the images here... although Gatekeeper made a good point, I somehow missed the transition to sin.

 

~~Tink

~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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I am a church for your sins.

This is an amazing line: it is a poem in itself.

Drown your sorrows in drink, by all means, but the real sorrows can swim

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I am a church for your sins.

This is an amazing line: it is a poem in itself.

I agree with Brendan. I'll add that this line, the way that it's directed at the other, speaks volumes about the speaker. Why not "our" sins? No, she says "your sins." It offers a glimpse of her inclination, her bias, her peculiar world view.

 

All of the lines, together with the last one, amount to a top shelf poem. I love it.

 

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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David W. Parsley
I am a church for your sins.

This is an amazing line: it is a poem in itself.

I agree with Brendan. I'll add that this line, the way that it's directed at the other, speaks volumes about the speaker. Why not "our" sins? No, she says "your sins." It offers a glimpse of her inclination, her bias, her peculiar world view.

 

All of the lines, together with the last one, amount to a top shelf poem. I love it.

 

Tony

 

Aleksandra, I simply must pile on with Brendan and Tony. The last line changes all that went before it, necessitating an immediate re-read. It is the very essence of poetry. Someone once said that the object of poetry is not beauty, but power. How wonderful when the reader gets both at the same time! This piece comes right in where you live and seizes you.

 

- Dave

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It's not easy to write something in the first person and maintain a universal connection. You have done so admirably, with pensive and poetic lines that are a joy to read. Benjamin

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Larsen M. Callirhoe

as always your writings of poetry are so crisp an there is much to learn from your words. much enjoyed.

 

 

 

victor

Larsen M. Callirhoe

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  • 1 month later...

 

I like your last line and I may well steal it one day, but I wonder what it is doing in this poem. I suspect that I am missing something between secrets and sins.

 

Hello, Gatekeeper. Thank you for your reply and, I am glad that you suspect the connection between secrets and sins. :) Do you, really? If yes, I am impressed. Thanks, a lot :)

 

Aleksandra

The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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I love this mood piece. Perhaps it hit me at the right time as I remember a close friend, female, telling me that she would always be my priest. A wonderful gift appreciated.

fdh

 

Fdelano, you made me smile :). Thank you. I am glad you liked the poem.

 

Aleksandra

The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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--------------- You

exhale my last hope

through a chimney.

------------------

------------------

I need the wind to hug me,

-------------------------

-------------------------

I am a church for your sins.

 

Hi Aleks, I love seeing you writing again. This piece softly pulled me into a melancholy mood. I loved the images here... although Gatekeeper made a good point, I somehow missed the transition to sin.

 

~~Tink

 

Hello, dear, Tink.

I am trying to write more, but I guess, I am stopping very often, as well. But I am happy to see that still I have my readers :). You know, melancholy is my favorite mood :mellow:. That's my big inspiration.

Thank you for your comment.

 

Aleksandra

The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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I am a church for your sins.

This is an amazing line: it is a poem in itself.

 

Ded, I hope you are doing fine. Thank you for your comment, and that line was the the first line that I wrote in this poem. So all the poem is based on top of that line's life.

 

Thank you :)

 

Aleksandra

The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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I am a church for your sins.

This is an amazing line: it is a poem in itself.

I agree with Brendan. I'll add that this line, the way that it's directed at the other, speaks volumes about the speaker. Why not "our" sins? No, she says "your sins." It offers a glimpse of her inclination, her bias, her peculiar world view.

 

All of the lines, together with the last one, amount to a top shelf poem. I love it.

 

Tony

 

Hello, dear, Tony. It's nice to read your words under my poem, again. I like the statement you've done in your comment: Why not "our" sins? No, she says "your sins." - well, I will tell you why. The narrator says: I am a church for your sins...WHY? Because the narrator will pay for someone's else sins. So s-he will collect the sins and, pay for it... And the other one would be relieved from sins, so s-he will continue while relieved from sins, forgetting all about it. I hope it made sense this to you?! :smile: Well if not it's because of my language barrier. :tongue:

 

Thanks for your comment. I appreciate it.

 

Aleksandra

The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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Aleksandra, I simply must pile on with Brendan and Tony. The last line changes all that went before it, necessitating an immediate re-read. It is the very essence of poetry. Someone once said that the object of poetry is not beauty, but power. How wonderful when the reader gets both at the same time! This piece comes right in where you live and seizes you.

 

- Dave

 

 

Well, Dave, definitely I believe and, agree with you, because I just sensed the power of your words. :smile: And trust me, it feels so good when you are told this what you've told me in this comment. Thank you, so much for your words.

 

Aleksandra

The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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It's not easy to write something in the first person and maintain a universal connection. You have done so admirably, with pensive and poetic lines that are a joy to read. Benjamin

 

Hello, Benjamin. Your comment makes me feel so good. I love universal connection, in general. I am glad you enjoyed this poem.

 

Thank you for commenting.

 

Aleksandra

The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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as always your writings of poetry are so crisp an there is much to learn from your words. much enjoyed.

 

 

 

victor

 

My dear, friend. Thank you so much. All of us can learn from each other here. It's common learning and, sharing. You remember how many poems we did together?! I miss those collaborations...

 

Thank you, Vic. I missed your voice.

 

Aleksandra

The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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