eclipse Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 I could see from an open window in a field a dead child waltzing with fire, her eyes followed a swallow into deaths gates of sapphire. I heard from an open window a child's half-haunted screams shatter the panes to slice open my feverish dreams. In a wounded reverie a child visits me we waltz towards the threshold of eternity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 Lots going on in this one, Eclipse. Delightful rhymes (fire/sapphire) intermingle with word choices that subliminally reinforce associations. Specifically, I mean your use of the word "pane" together with "screams" and "slice open my feverish dreams." "Panes" transports me to "pains." Not sure if it was intentional, but it worked. Compact and very much to my liking. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David W. Parsley Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 Brief, chillingly musical, haunting: a fine gate to the month of All Hallows... Gives me the urge to get up and shut the window! - Dave Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larsen M. Callirhoe Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 awesome poe,/ gives you much food for thought in 3 stanzas, i enjpued reading this and the imagres you keft in my mind. thnk you victor... Quote Larsen M. Callirhoe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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