fdelano Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 Clean and polished vinyl floors exude sharp pine as if to convince all of the sterility of VA's old hospital. My seat in the permanent waiting room made of similar material to the hard floor squares. Experience tells me the wait will have nothing to do with my appointment time. Others on standby (or sit by) are my age or mostly older. Their blank looks confirm my own. Movement, and all eyes shift to the gurney wheeled to park against the beige wall. Its prone creature moves only as his emaciated chest inhales and expires pine air. His eyes are closed against the over-bright florescent lighting directly over his head. He seems ageless, and I can only guess his war as the war to end all wars. Some talented surgeon saved his life, though removing all the man's mangled limbs. The gurney and the man wait, both immovable without even unwanted assistance. My thoughts get crazy as I imagine a parking meter meting out unending minutes. For more than an hour, I watch the man accept his forced fate while orderlies busily pass. Finally, when human empathy peaks, I quietly ask the entry clerk if someone could give the man water. "Sir, the patient is en route to tests and will be taken care of." I reply. "Get that done within five minutes." She speaks in the phone for five seconds and slams it back in its cradle. I stand there and watch. An orderly in whites arrives and pushes the gurney down the aisle to disappear. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 Wow! I don't think this narrative could be better. The frame of the piece is orderly and clean setting the scene before the images shared in words begin to register. This is so clear and the images powerful. I really like this poem. ~~Tink Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjamin Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Powerful and well written poem Franklin. The aftercare of those who have sacrificed so much seems to be a never-ending and contentious issue here also. G. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larsen M. Callirhoe Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 very touching. i really enjoyed reading this. this is something to cherish, relish, and the relection here is a very cvivid, candid detail moment that is very osomber to receive such a merrit. mydad received a purple heart also. he was shot in the head. it gazed im or i wouldnt be here. it s something to really hold sacred. you shed blood. also you or some who receive this award have to think about he blood she you caused others either way you captued a poignant moment very welll. wheni was in the service i got out because i realized i could not kill another. but in war good people die. and on all battle fields the suvors did their duty those tht died and made the utkimate scafice on both sides are the real heros. but thank you. i really enjoyed as i said. victor Quote Larsen M. Callirhoe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 Terribly depressing, Franklin. I thought the setting was the clincher until I got to the part about the amputation(s). Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David W. Parsley Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 No escape. Every time I read the piece, it just grabs me harder. The sparsely adorned language suits theme and progression. My only request is that the open ending not contain an ellipsis - doesn't fit the unflinching persona of the narrator. But that is just carping. I can not be sure what yanks me around more viciously: the specific case in point (rings like truth); the more general plight in the way we deal with those who sacrifice so much for us; or the even broader theme of tragedies that move through our view then shuffle out of that view to further difficulties for which we can not even contravene a five minute reprieve. A reprieve of unconfirmed effectiveness. Rings like Truth. Thank you, Franklin. (I think) - Dave Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David W. Parsley Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Oh, one more request: larger font? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fdelano Posted November 5, 2011 Author Share Posted November 5, 2011 Hope the revisions help. True story from forty years ago. I doubt that things have improved that much after reading of the treatment of wounded when they are turned over to the VA after extensive care at Walter Reed. Everyday I watch commercials asking for money to take care of severely injured combat vets, and I wonder why we spend billions on financial institutions and abandon those who put their lives on the line. No matter your political views, if we send young people into the grinder, we are then obligated to do all we can for them. Sorry, but after all these years, I still get so worked up that it's hard to breathe. Nothing has changed since the surgical tents of the Civil War. Civil, my ass. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjamin Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 Well said Franklin. “No matter your political views, if we send young people into the grinder, we are then obligated to do all we can for them. Sorry, but after all these years, I still get so worked up that it's hard to breathe. Nothing has changed since the surgical tents of the Civil War. Civil, my ass.” Just to assure you that the same situation prevails at this side of the pond also. There are frequent reports in our own national daily papers of how our injured fighting men are cheated out of support and after care when they are no longer an asset. The hypocrisy of societies that still operate like some ancient game of chess. G. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 Hi fdelano, A compelling narrative. Your use of short lines with almost clinical precision evokes effectively the terrible fate that awaits 'the gurney.' His desperate sense of 'awaiting' his fate is palpable. A powerful work that touches the reader deeply. Thank you. Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abstract Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 A very touching work. Reading it today was a powerful reminder of the tragic sacrifices made in war. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 Straight to the heart. Perfect.- Dr. Con & Juris Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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