The Gift

[goldenlangur]

The Gift

 

 

Pema was five when she realized she could see through walls people dying.

 

Her mother was reading to her when Pema said, 'Aunty Deki.'

 

'Did she read this to you?'

 

Pema stared ahead.

 

The teak wall panels undulated. A car swerved onto the pavement. Deki stepped outside her door.

 

'She didn't feel anything,' Pema sighed.

 

The phone rang.

[Tinker]

Hi GL, This sent chills up my spine. Your first line had me stumbling a bit the phrasing is awkward to me. ...

could see through walls people dying

I know you want to keep this minimal but that first phrase brings up questions.

 

Is it through walls and people dying? or could see people dying through walls? was it all people? people on the other side of the wall? or could see images of someone close to her dying ? I think the wall thing is addressed in

The teach wall panels undulated.

This phrase is enough for me to see her seeing through the undulating teak wall.

 

All in all I like this. It has impact.

 

~~Tink

[goldenlangur]

Hi Tink,

 

I forgot about this piece. Thank you so much for taking the trouble to read it.

 

Yes, indeed she can see through walls when people are dying. You make a good point about the ambiguity my line throws up. It was intended but I'm grateful for your close reading.

 

 

 

My apologies for this very late response.

 

 

I hope you had a good Christmas. Warm wishes for the New Year.