migration

[eclipse]

I dialled the rain for my incarnation,

i became a hive for the bees,

soil for the trees,

i glimpsed another world

and passed through my migration.

 

I walked the earth looking for

the debris of my being,

i wanted to know if

i really did exist,

i ached for evidence

that i really was missed.

The night turned me

into my own death certificate

written in braille,

the rains became my eyes

translating me so i could not

fail to see i was an invention.

[Larsen M. Callirhoe]

wow so deep eclipse. you certainly have a nake for scenery and imagery. you are very articulate with your metaphors nd similies. i really digged reading your poem nd all of them your served on the platters of this forum for us to savor the taste o succulent poetry.

 

victor

[goldenlangur]

Hi eclipse,

 

A poignant sense of reckoning of one's mortality.

 

These lines are truly memorable:

 

...

I walked the earth looking for

the debris of my being,

...

the rains became my eyes

translating me so i could not

fail to see i was an invention.

 

 

Thank you.

[David W. Parsley]

Hi Eclipse, this carries your signature startling perspective and sequence of image. I felt transported in this world in which the poet can search for evidence of his/her own existence and its meaning.

 

I found the two 'really's more distracting than useful, both musically and dictionally.

 

For me, the closing substitution of eyes with rain, coupled to a translation, seems internally inconsistent even for surreality. It also became conflicted with the need for braille, sapping that image's power.

 

I like the idea that you are led to discover yourself as an invention. By whom? Are the rest of us invented also? Thought provoking.

 

- Dave