eclipse Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 I dialled the rain for my incarnation, i became a hive for the bees, soil for the trees, i glimpsed another world and passed through my migration. I walked the earth looking for the debris of my being, i wanted to know if i really did exist, i ached for evidence that i really was missed. The night turned me into my own death certificate written in braille, the rains became my eyes translating me so i could not fail to see i was an invention. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larsen M. Callirhoe Posted November 15, 2011 Share Posted November 15, 2011 wow so deep eclipse. you certainly have a nake for scenery and imagery. you are very articulate with your metaphors nd similies. i really digged reading your poem nd all of them your served on the platters of this forum for us to savor the taste o succulent poetry. victor Quote Larsen M. Callirhoe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 Hi eclipse, A poignant sense of reckoning of one's mortality. These lines are truly memorable: ... I walked the earth looking for the debris of my being, ... the rains became my eyes translating me so i could not fail to see i was an invention. Thank you. Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David W. Parsley Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 Hi Eclipse, this carries your signature startling perspective and sequence of image. I felt transported in this world in which the poet can search for evidence of his/her own existence and its meaning. I found the two 'really's more distracting than useful, both musically and dictionally. For me, the closing substitution of eyes with rain, coupled to a translation, seems internally inconsistent even for surreality. It also became conflicted with the need for braille, sapping that image's power. I like the idea that you are led to discover yourself as an invention. By whom? Are the rest of us invented also? Thought provoking. - Dave Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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