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Little Miss Morimoto Redux


dedalus
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P3231953.jpg

 

What are you looking at

in that bamboo screen, what do you see

that you cannot see in me?

 

You know that I like you,

perhaps too much, and this is the confidence

borne by sexy women.

 

Love is not a thing to be spoken of

because it carries with it a trail of sorrows,

etched with moments of lightness and delight.

 

You are my lightness and delight Miss Morimoto

and you know it, silkily teasing,

because you can run away and catch the last bus.

 

Last night you didn’t. Last night you were bold

and almost forthcoming. As a woman you know

the hold you have over me, you know.

 

You spoke with a voice of tenderness, not pity.

In real life you look so so much better than this silly photo:

tranquil, clear-eyed, beautiful, entirely ruthless.

 

From the outside just another cute Japanese girl

which we foreign blokes pick up and discard in a cavalier way,

except the discarding bit didn’t come quite that easy

 

With you. You made sure of that. Look in my eyes, you said,

and be sure you will never forget me. I can play with you,

make you dance, cause days and weeks of endless pain

 

And laugh at you. Then I can haul you in again.

I can do this whenever I please. This photo is totally

misleading, because she looks so totally harmless.

 

It tells you nothing of her lethal charm.

She is a dangerous person, she can casually destroy you

or sometimes let you go. I hate her, I love her. I don't know.

 

http://forum.poetryc...t=miss+morimoto

Drown your sorrows in drink, by all means, but the real sorrows can swim

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Hi Brendan, Your writing is always good, but I found this poem less compelling than the linked "Little Miss Morimoto" at Poetry Connection, which I thought was classic dedalus poetry. Beautiful! I like the addition of the photo, she is really a pretty girl, perhaps an earlier picture of your wife? Lucky man.

 

Anyway, the piece flows well until I had a little problem with the last 2 stanzas... You seem to switch from her to him without notice, it confused me at first... It just sort of hit a sour note in my brain. I am just offering an opinion... it isn't often I see anything a little off in your work so I had to say something. I so appreciated the link. I am such a fan.

 

~~Tink

 

 

 

 

~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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Never apologize, Tink, for honest comments! This is what people like me -- who is like me? the whole room stands up: must be Boston -- need to hear. Not once or twice but continually. Sometimes a poem clicks. At other times it just doesn't come together. This one was hard to put together because I didn't want to go where it was actually leading me and so i held back and it shows. Every time I start a new poem I am standing on a ledge looking down feeling slightly sick. Vertigo. I've been doing this for a long time now but it still scares the (oops, Internet police!) whatsit out of me! That might sound silly but it's the truth. Poetry scares me. I don't know what will come out. Never mind the audience. I'm perfectly capable of shocking myself and so a lot of the stuff just never gets posted. It's like those dreams we sometimes have of walking naked among a crowd of clothed sophisticated people who say nothing but sort of cock a disdainful eyebrow and you feel like an absolute Oik. Nowhere to run to and there you are ... what a nightmare!

Drown your sorrows in drink, by all means, but the real sorrows can swim

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Well Brendan if you are afraid of every poem you write then I and most other poets should be terrified. Usually your poems seem to flow fluidly from your soul and the reader can't help but be touched. If you hold back it shows... And quite frankly I think in this case you were very conscious of your audience. You were too telly without showing us the core. (Just my opinion.)

 

~~Tink

~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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Larsen M. Callirhoe

brendan we all feel awkward about our own poems. i am a great fan of your poetry. you tell it like it really is. but tinket is right you try to capture the story with no feelings in them. your writings are very emotionall and that i do love about your poetry. you pen has the gift of gab and that is for sure. happy writing amigo.

 

victor

Larsen M. Callirhoe

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  • 3 weeks later...

Terrific way to sum it up, Brendan: I hate her, I love her. I don't know. I like how you mention the photo in the poem and include it for the reader, too. I always appreciate when writers include pictures with their poems. It's like album art.

 

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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