summayya Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 (edited) Souvenir to a summer night As the evening calls upon us and silently the houses fade into darkness the forest comes to life: the marbled moonlit trees, as monuments, face upwards and several leaves drop softly upon the grass at their feet. The woods buzz out their dreams, while crimson shadows reel on the outskirts of the city— As the drunken body of time oozes out with pain I wonder if moonlight ever gleams over the wings of an angel. Edited May 15, 2009 by summayya Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 Hi summayya, You've got beautiful imagery here. Love the way you contrast the light and shadows in the "forest" and "wood" and the "city". These lines are particularly striking: summayya wrote: .... crimson shadows reel on the outskirts of the city— As the drunken body of time oozes out with pain The questioning in the final line gives it an enigmatic note: "I wonder if moonlight ever gleams over the wings of an angel." A moment of solitary contemplation, laden with unexpressed hopes and dreams? goldenlangur Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lake Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 summayya, As Golden said this poem has beautiful imagery. I particularly like the verbs used in it, very precise. The concluding stanza got me thinking, too. Enjoyed it. Thanks, Lake Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 Hi summayya, This poem has wonderful imagery. I love the contrast between the city and the forest, very subtle, blending. I live on the edge of a forest and I can hear the buzz.... I can look far to the east and also see the crimson shadows of the city... I love these lines. summayya wrote: The woods buzz out their dreams, while crimson shadows reel on the outskirts of the city— Its as if you came to visit me. ~~Tink Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 Hello Summayya, What a fine poem and how very Traklesque! This one is very much to my "taste" : the layout, line breaks, and punctuation are perfect, and the summer imagery delights throughout. The title fits, too. Certain things about poems cause me to make certain associations in my mind. This poem and its title make me think of a certain purple candle called MIDSUMMER'S NIGHT. The candle is made by the Yankee Candle Company, and the poem brings to mind its color, its fragrance, and its name. In turn, the poem and the candle make me think "Midsummer Night's Dream," ... though I have never read that. (But I do like its title!) Please send more poems this way! Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 Summayya I especially like the first and last part: As the evening calls upon us and silently the houses fade into darkness the forest comes to life: As the drunken body of time oozes out with pain I wonder if moonlight ever gleams over the wings of an angel. Also the title of this poem Souvenir to a summer night sounds wonderful. Aleksandra Quote The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
summayya Posted May 15, 2009 Author Share Posted May 15, 2009 Thank you for your wonderful comments everyone. It been long and hard as far as writing poetry goes for me and its really making me stretch... I am really grateful to you guys and gals for your readings and comments. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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