june

[Benjamin]

high in the church of sky

I saw a congregation

of seagulls

flying backwards

on a torrent of prevailing wind

 

and moon-led tides

swept caravans

with ravaged lumps of trees

along the swollen river

 

I recall the permanence

of its small buoys

whose pleasure craft now wrestle

with the muddy riverbed--

the empty reservoirs

and hose-pipe bans--

the parched duck ponds--

and how we prayed for rain

[David W. Parsley]

Benjamin, I really like the images here: "church of sky", "ravaged lumps of trees", "parched duck ponds", etc. I wonder how it would read without the fifth line, just declare with poet authority the backward flight.

 

Nice!

- Dave

[Benjamin]

Thanks for your input Dave. I mulled it over originally and let it stand but with hindsight-- you are right . I don't normally care too much for diary poems but the last couple of months here have been historically exceptionally wet.

[fdelano]

I read and watched and wondered how many never see the beauty in almost everything near. Enjoyed throroughly.

Franklin

[Larsen M. Callirhoe]

very poetic and very deep profound notice of the beauty of nature here. thank you,.

 

victor

[dedalus]

This is excellent work. I admire the precision of observation (but might get rid of the cathedral image coming so soon after the church). The last stanza is spot-on, although - here we go again! - 'recall' in the present tense might be better.

[Benjamin]

Thanks Franklin and Victor for leaving comment.

 

Brendan. Your keen poetic eye is appreciated. It has a broader 'feel' without the cathedral image. I'd originally used "recall" instead of "recalled" but what the he**. I'm flying backwards like the gulls .

[fdelano]

You know you may be in trouble when your airspeed is 250 and your groundspeed is less than zero. Fascinating image that can be a metaphor for many things in life. I like going back to your poems, always seeing something new or with a different slant.

[Frank E Gibbard]

Picturesque scene-setting I liked, courtesy of outrageous weather. Noticed an "it's" has floated in unwanted. Frank

[Aleksandra]

Hello, Benjamin. I like your poem, as well. I liked the expressions that you've used. But one thing that I don't really like, and sometime it gives me hard time to read it, is a poem without any punctuation. I am not saying it's a bad thing, but for me, with English as a second language, is really hard to feel the poem at the same time when I read it. :) I hope you understand what I want to say. But, of course, after few times reading it, it's much better.

 

Thanks for sharing it. :)

[Benjamin]

Franklin I'm pleased to know you came back to it.

 

Frank. Well spotted. I was going to blame the gulls for it -- it's-- a regular blind spot.

 

Aleksandra. Thank you for your comments which I appreciate.

With modern English poetry and punctuation, it's a case of "damned if you do and damned if you don't". My personal preference is for full punctuation on longer and formal pieces.

[Tinker]

Wow, love the images Benjamin... unique yet vivid. Nicely done.. I like this kind of poetry it transports me to a particular spot at a particular moment with everything around me amplified.

 

~~Tink

[tonyv]

Lyrical and lovely sans punctuation, Benjamin. In addition to the poem, I enjoyed reading everyone's thoughtful input.

 

Tony