Just once...

[goldenlangur]

Just once...

 

Tonight, just once

open the shutters -

let darkness in.

 

Measure your pain

against the moonless sky

you might just once

hear a faint echo of my cry.

 

 

 

goldenlangur

[Larsen M. Callirhoe]

wow gl we get to see a glimpse into your emotions and mood maybe. i loved all of this. the metaphor in the beginning could mean a couple of things depending on the mood of the author/ loved this is all i can say.

 

vic

[goldenlangur]

Hi vic,

 

Thank you for this perceptive remark:

 

Larsen M. Callirhoe wrote:

 

... the metaphor in the beginning could mean a couple of things depending on the mood of the author...

 

vic

 

 

It is indeed the individual response of the reader like you that makes writing rewarding and worthwhile.

 

I appreciate this very much and in general the support and encouragement you give us all here.

 

goldenlangur

[tonyv]

Hi Goldenlangur,

 

A profound sadness pervades this compact lyric. Most of the time, when one opens the shutters, it is to let in the light. But here, you say to let in the darkness. There isn't even any moonlight to let in, nor a mention of night air, only a distant, faint cry that might even go unnoticed. Heartfelt and painful -- I like it a lot.

 

Tony

[Aleksandra]

Goldenlangur, this poem is a m a z i n g. The comparing of the narrator with the moonless sky and the darkness works so good - I read like that. This hits and have some rhythm like heart bit . Yes this one is compact lyric, I agree with Tony.

 

I enjoyed reading this a lot.

 

Aleksandra

[Frank E Gibbard]

Seeing through this glass darkly it glimmers in the gloom while opaque so you have to scrutinise and peer closely to pop the pearl. Frank

[Larsen M. Callirhoe]

hi goldenlangur its me vic again. i had to read this again and respond again if you don't mind or least i hope not lol. this has to be my favorite poem that i read of yours so far. it is an excellent short compact poem. it flows well and is meterly tempered. the beginning shows the authors mood and the end shows a plea that is unheard when he/she realizes it s a dark night out. usually a darknight means a storm is on the horizon or the storm is approaching quickly. i went thru that with hurricane andrew in 1992 and hurricane mitch in 1998 both times it was dark out when these storms hit and mitch lasted 4 days in south florida usa. and you could see nothing but feel the rain and see the lightning other then that the night sky was pitch black because of the thick dark clouds.. getting back to your expression in your poem it could be your heart once you realize you are in the dark the begs for mercy from the cold distant night. i loved this all around because the diction flows so lyrically like a song of a depressed soul yearning craving for attention. well gl you got my attention with this one. this poem is publishable material in my opinion. im going to have to give you more stimuli when responding to your poems. this was great eye candy and a treat to read.

 

yours

vic