Benjamin Posted August 26, 2012 Share Posted August 26, 2012 Down past his cottage, to the orchard that locals know as “Oggie's Den”. A gunny-sack – a bit o' lanyard, the only arms of four bold men. Our enemy is very crafty: it's hard to tell if he's still active; for rarely does he show a light that says he's settled for the night. Till suddenly, there's adult curses, bright lights and pandemonium. “I've got you now you thieving scum!” Dogs bark and snarl--with rabid faces at my three friends, who choose to flee and leave me up the apple tree. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted August 26, 2012 Share Posted August 26, 2012 Hi. Benjamin, Clever! I think you set up the reader perfectly in ths piece. Your use of commas after faces /friends/flee could be eliminated because they are in my opinion unnecessary and make the line choppy. Enjoyable read. **Tink Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fdelano Posted August 26, 2012 Share Posted August 26, 2012 Ah, you led us along quite deftly, I thinking at first this was what we Yanks call a "snipe hunt," a ruse where the target is literally left holding the bag. From whence came the name “Oggie's Den?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjamin Posted August 27, 2012 Author Share Posted August 27, 2012 Tink. Thanks for your input. Will do. It's good to not be too serious once in a while. Franklin. The imaginitive world of children remains with me through stories I relate to the grandkids. I believe the name Oggie was a corruption of Oswald which was the old guy's first name. Ian was usually flattened to "Iggy". A whole new subject . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dedalus Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 Gotcha! This was lovely, Ben. Quote Drown your sorrows in drink, by all means, but the real sorrows can swim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted September 1, 2012 Share Posted September 1, 2012 A smile and a half wide. Loverly... Thank you Benjamin made my morning... Juris Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 What a fun story! It's delightfully crafted, framed in impeccable iambic tetrameter (great choice, btw). Very nice work, Benjamin. Tony PS -- I wonder if "Oggie" came from "Auggie"/Augustine? Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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