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Poetry Magnum Opus

Scrumping


Benjamin
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Down past his cottage, to the orchard

that locals know as “Oggie's Den”.

A gunny-sack – a bit o' lanyard,

the only arms of four bold men.

Our enemy is very crafty:

it's hard to tell if he's still active;

for rarely does he show a light

that says he's settled for the night.

Till suddenly, there's adult curses,

bright lights and pandemonium.

I've got you now you thieving scum!”

Dogs bark and snarl--with rabid faces

at my three friends, who choose to flee

and leave me up the apple tree.

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Hi. Benjamin, Clever! I think you set up the reader perfectly in ths piece. Your use of commas after faces /friends/flee could be eliminated because they are in my opinion unnecessary and make the line choppy.

Enjoyable read. **Tink

~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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Ah, you led us along quite deftly, I thinking at first this was what we Yanks call a "snipe hunt," a ruse where the target is literally left holding the bag. From whence came the name “Oggie's Den?"

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Tink. Thanks for your input. Will do. It's good to not be too serious once in a while. :smile:

 

Franklin. The imaginitive world of children remains with me through stories I relate to the grandkids. I believe the name Oggie was a corruption of Oswald which was the old guy's first name. Ian was usually flattened to "Iggy". A whole new subject :blink: .

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A smile and a half wide. Loverly... Thank you Benjamin made my morning... Juris

thegateless.org Come on over and check out my poetry substack y'all;-) Or if your bored, head to the Zazzle store: https://www.zazzle.com/store/gateless. If you buy anything I lose a bet, so consider that before you violate the digital rules.

 

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What a fun story! It's delightfully crafted, framed in impeccable iambic tetrameter (great choice, btw). Very nice work, Benjamin.

 

Tony

 

PS -- I wonder if "Oggie" came from "Auggie"/Augustine?

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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