dedalus Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 Night falls, the mountains fade, and the lamps are lit in the east. After the feast I know you must retire with the other women. I cast a sigh for I have caught your roving eye as I shuffle closer to the fire. Night falls, the fountains hiss and sing in the garden, a splash of water on stone. I feel so alone no matter what I try. My father is a beast within me, a clash, an abyss of water and burning fire. Night falls, and I clutch my sword, in which I place no trust, the blade is sharp, keen steel, it has no rust and it mocks me. How can any girl really love me? I place you above me in this, in all, in whatever’s made. Quote Drown your sorrows in drink, by all means, but the real sorrows can swim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjamin Posted August 30, 2012 Share Posted August 30, 2012 A pleasure to read. Your skilful use of anapest adds a romantic lilt to the rhythm and subtle rhymes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 Very lovely. Though written from your unique cultural perspective, I think this has universal appeal. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David W. Parsley Posted September 9, 2012 Share Posted September 9, 2012 Count me among the universals. I thoroughly enjoyed this. The artwork fits it well, too. (May I take this opportunity to publicly envy your ability to proliferate good work, Brendan?) - Dave Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dedalus Posted October 20, 2012 Author Share Posted October 20, 2012 I do tend to "proliferate", David - the so-so stuff as well as the good: that was an excellent choice of words! Quote Drown your sorrows in drink, by all means, but the real sorrows can swim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 It has pretty much all been said Bren, this is a very delightfully controlled piece. I love the way the frame is constructed in neat sixains with random rhyme. It has the appearance of formal poetry and the sound of simple tale telling. Very cool. Luvit! as my granddaughter would write. ~~Tink Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fdelano Posted October 22, 2012 Share Posted October 22, 2012 Skillful and heartfelt. Internal -- accidental? -- rhyming perfect. Write some more. Paco Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eclipse Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 lovely and musical-excellent Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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