The Uncertain Knight

[dedalus]

 

Night falls, the mountains fade,

and the lamps are lit in the east.

After the feast I know you must retire

with the other women. I cast a sigh

for I have caught your roving eye

as I shuffle closer to the fire.

 

Night falls, the fountains hiss

and sing in the garden, a splash

of water on stone. I feel so alone

no matter what I try. My father

is a beast within me, a clash,

an abyss of water and burning fire.

 

Night falls, and I clutch my sword,

in which I place no trust, the blade

is sharp, keen steel, it has no rust

and it mocks me. How can any girl

really love me? I place you above me

in this, in all, in whatever’s made.

[Benjamin]

A pleasure to read. Your skilful use of anapest adds a romantic lilt to the rhythm and subtle rhymes.

[tonyv]

Very lovely. Though written from your unique cultural perspective, I think this has universal appeal.

 

Tony

[David W. Parsley]

Count me among the universals. I thoroughly enjoyed this. The artwork fits it well, too.

 

(May I take this opportunity to publicly envy your ability to proliferate good work, Brendan?)

 

- Dave

[dedalus]

I do tend to "proliferate", David - the so-so stuff as well as the good: that was an excellent choice of words!

[Tinker]

It has pretty much all been said Bren, this is a very delightfully controlled piece. I love the way the frame is constructed in neat sixains with random rhyme. It has the appearance of formal poetry and the sound of simple tale telling. Very cool. Luvit! as my granddaughter would write.

 

~~Tink

[fdelano]

Skillful and heartfelt. Internal -- accidental? -- rhyming perfect. Write some more.

Paco

[eclipse]

lovely and musical-excellent