dr_con Posted September 1, 2012 Share Posted September 1, 2012 The Well of Memory Voice says All you are is a well of memory for the gods Remember the cool water that fed our roots this world sprouting branching placing each and everything just so just now reminders we are in one of possible only places She said Write poems about ordinary things And I grab onto a persistence may it be old world nostalgia or a motion of novelty a skin on skin familiarity Squirrel sees Boundless topographic gymnastics Scrub pines scoff at animal ideas the stillness as black flies swirl tieing together emptiness a shore or edge a lake serene Is this what I want to come back to? Punctuated forms Waiting for a rattle that never happened A hospital parking lot dead of night the entire cosmos Sobbing snow falls wind blows without fire or ice We mouth words taught by the dead He shows A simpler grammar his morning routine looking out This yard This weather This window This view In this it all passion and conflict have fled I hope they drink deeply All we are this being this becoming one tree grows between past and future. Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 I've read this at least ten times, Juris. It's one of my favorites, and I relate in an inexplicable sense. ... stillness as black flies swirl tieing together emptiness a shore or edge a lake serene Is this what I want to come back to? Punctuated forms Waiting for a rattle that never happened A hospital parking lot dead of night the entire cosmos Sobbing ... I'm mesmerized. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted September 4, 2012 Author Share Posted September 4, 2012 Thanks Tony! I submitted it to the Journal of interdimensional poetry for possible consideration- I hope it appeals to them as well;-) Many Thanks! Juris Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David W. Parsley Posted September 9, 2012 Share Posted September 9, 2012 Best of luck, Doc. I like this one, too. It blends a symbolist set of dimensional jolts in juxtaposition with something Whitmanesque, a modern day Song of Myself. Well Done, - Dave Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted September 11, 2012 Author Share Posted September 11, 2012 Many Thanks David! Greatly appreciate the feedback and comparison... Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted November 30, 2012 Author Share Posted November 30, 2012 And now the Movie: Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badger11 Posted November 30, 2012 Share Posted November 30, 2012 This reading has been saved to my online favourites. badge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David W. Parsley Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 I am particularly impressed with your casting agent, these particular stars are so difficult to schedule... Very nice! - Dave Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjamin Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 I enjoyed reading this over again. Initially I had a mental picture of scooping up a handful of fine sand (life) and contemplation as it filtered through open fingers. It offers much more. Your reading was excellent. B. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dedalus Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 Mmmm. Good! Extremely good, in fact. I thought you were starting a poem with diminishing lines at first. Maybe you should continue, with the BANG interjections from time to time? I just couldn't stop playing with this poem because I got caught up with the ideas .... I do realise there is nothing more irritating or annoying than some idiot coming along and trying to rewrite your original poem! For me, anyway, that is one of the forms of criticism that truly make sense, the highest form of praise. I have "rewritten" Keats and Wordsworth in my time (but never Shelley or Byron). Not that anything I write or edit is necessarily better (perish the thought!), but it's just that you got my mind going, and I started working in my own idiom among the ideas and themes, while keeping as close as possible to your original language. If this is a thing you don't care for then you have only to say so and I will never do it again! All you are is a well of memory for the gods! Remember the cool water that fed our roots, this world sprouting, branching, placing each and everything just so, and the reminder: we are in only one of one possible places. She said write about ordinary things and I grab onto a persistence of old world nostalgia a motion of novelty a skin on skin familiarity. Squirrel: all the the boundless gymnastics with scrub pines scoffing at animal ideas and stillness as black flies swirl tying together the emptiness at the shore or the edge of a lake serene Is this what I want to come back to? Punctuated forms waiting for rattles that never happen in a hospital parking lot at dead of night: the entire cosmos? Sobbing snow falls, wind blows without fire or ice: we mouth words taught by the dead. He shows a simple grammar his morning routine looking out ... This yard This weather This window This view! All passion and conflict have fled. I hope, I hope they can drink deeply in this being and becoming wherein one tree grows between past and future. Quote Drown your sorrows in drink, by all means, but the real sorrows can swim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted December 7, 2012 Author Share Posted December 7, 2012 Thank You all! I really appreciate the comments and feedback! Bren &Ded, of course I don't object, deely flattered and will probably steal your re-write for my final cut. Really, can't thank you all enough and I'm creating a few more as time and opportunity presents itself. Many, many thanks! Juris & Dr. Con Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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