Sunset, Cape Horn

[tonyv]

Here, at the bottom of the world, where east
laps west, and south is polar-cold, it sets
due north of jagged rocks, the continents
that separate our seas.

-----------------------         "What will become
of us? Will she miss me? as much as I
miss her? Or will I always suffer more?"

And though revealing that I love her most
was safe and easy--harder to explain--
the voyage I embarked upon was rash
like rounding this Cape in a hurricane!

I tried, in vain, to love the one beside
me--tried to love her as I did before--
and made a partial list of things less painful:
death of a loved one, frostbite, hunger, war.

_________________________________________

^{Read about CAPE HORN. See the IMAGE that inspired this poem
and OTHER IMAGES of this fascinating location of the world.}

[Larsen M. Callirhoe]

hi tony

 

very emotional and deep. this is multi layered with good use of metaphpr in the beginning

 

vic

[Aleksandra]

Is this some of Pablo Neruda's poem?

 

Tony, This poem is amazing. When I went inside of this poem, I felt some feeling when I read poetry of Pablo Neruda poems for his Matilde.

 

This one is one of your best written poems. I can't believe how you just handled with those feelings. Why I am saying this? Because I felt the emotions in your poem are somehow with a screaming voice, but you wrote and expressed with calm. For me that is most hard mix to write and to express on that way.

The metaphor Cape Horn works wonderful . And all have a big sense. Sadness hits and captures the reader. But still as I said, the calmness make some piece what I can't describe. And that is incredible. Poem with sadness, angriness, calm, love, full with metaphors, wonderful expressions.

The end shows the power of love in this poem.

The part where you are talking to yourself about who is more missing, I like it bc you put that conversation in quotation marks. That is showing how much it's possible you to be wrong. But anyway love hurts here.

 

Tony you did great job here. And really the way of this poem is so poetical and also worth because at same time it is hard but easy to read. Yea I repeat myself - but this is good mixed poem.

 

I loved

 

Alekksandra

[tonyv]

hi tony

 

very emotional and deep. this is multi layered with good use of metaphpr in the beginning

 

vic

 

Thank you, Victor! At first, I was worried that the poem was slightly disjointed, but your multi-layered characterization helped ease my initial apprehension.

 

Tony

[tonyv]

Alek, I like your thoughts on this, especially your observations relating to my handling of the various (seemingly) diametrically opposed passions -- the "mix." You are correct in your reading of the part in quotation marks. I wanted that part to evince the narrator's peculiar point of view -- his state of mind. And yes, it's possible -- but not likely! -- that he is wrong.

aleksandra wrote:

 

Is this some of Pablo Neruda's poem?

 

Tony, This poem is amazing. When I went inside of this poem, I felt some feeling when I read poetry of Pablo Neruda poems for his Matilde.

And now, I know you must want something! But really, thank you for all your kind and meaningful remarks!

 

Tonyy

[goldenlangur]

Hi Tony,

 

 

How well you use the physical landscape as a metaphor to suggest an end - Like the vagaries of weather and landscape - "polar-cold, jagged rocks", emotions too churn a storm in the narrator:

 

tonyv wrote:

....

I tried, in vain, to love the one beside

me--tried to love her as I did before--

"and made a partial list of things less painful:

death of a loved one, frostbite, hunger, war.

 

_____________________________________

^{Read about CAPE HORN. See the IMAGE that inspired this poem}

^{and OTHER IMAGES of this fascinating location of the world.}

 

I find this line very expressive of the intensity of feelings and the dilemma of the person:

 

"...made a partial list of things less painful:

death of a loved one, frostbite, hunger, war."

 

One imagines the narrator is driven to the brink to make this painful comparison.

 

Very moving,

 

goldenlangur

[badger11]

Here, at the bottom of the world, where east

laps west, and south is polar-cold,

 

The opening is a real hook, nicely paced, and 'laps' generates so many possibilities.

 

I tried, in vain, to love the one beside

me

 

 

For me the break expressed a sense of separation.

 

Very much enjoyed this write Tony.

 

badge

[summayya]

badger11 wrote:

 

The opening is a real hook, nicely paced, and 'laps' generates so many possibilities.

 

badge

 

I second that.

 

A very nicely done poem tony.

 

Much enjoyed.

[tonyv]

I find this line very expressive of the intensity of feelings and the dilemma of the person:

 

"...made a partial list of things less painful:

death of a loved one, frostbite, hunger, war."

 

One imagines the narrator is driven to the brink to make this painful comparison.

 

Very moving,

 

goldenlangur

 

Thank you, Golden, for your kind and perceptive remarks. I did hope that with the inclusion of several types of pain in these last lines -- emotional, physical, and universal -- the intensity of emotions experienced by the narrator would come across to the reader. I'm pleased that this technique met with some success!

 

Tony

[tonyv]

Here, at the bottom of the world, where east

laps west, and south is polar-cold,

 

The opening is a real hook, nicely paced, and 'laps' generates so many possibilities.

I tried, in vain, to love the one beside

me

 

 

For me the break expressed a sense of separation.

 

Very much enjoyed this write Tony.

 

badge

 

Thank you,

Badge

, for pointing out the effectiveness of the opening. I'm pleased that you enjoyed this poem, and it's

always

a pleasure to read your thoughts!

 

Tony

[tonyv]

badger11 wrote:

 

The opening is a real hook, nicely paced, and 'laps' generates so many possibilities.

 

badge

 

I second that.

 

A very nicely done poem tony.

 

Much enjoyed.

 

Thank you, Summayya. I remember when I showed you the rudiments of this--hardly memorable--and you said then only that it "had potential." I'm glad I ran it by you first; from your reaction, I knew I had to keep working at it! I always appreciate your help backchannel.

 

Tony

[Lake]

Tony,

 

I am late to this. Agree with what everyone has said. But still want to add my two cents.

 

The opening is beautiful, catching. I like the seemingly calm tone with alarming tension. Some lines are interesting. Beside the quoted words this line

 

And though revealing that I love her most

was safe and easy--harder to explain--

 

makes a reader think why "love her is safe and easy"?

 

and made a partial list of things less painful:

death of a loved one, frostbite, hunger, war.

 

These two lines are alarming, what else can be less painful than these?

 

I noticed that the first line of the second stanza starts half way and I read other poems like that. It must be a technique. But could you please explain to me why you wrote it like that?

 

You handle words easily. Thanks for the read.

 

Lake

[tonyv]

Hi Lake,

 

Thank you for your thoughtful observations and questions. I'm pleased that you found the blend of calmness and alarming tension at the beginning to be effective.

 

I address your questions --

Lake wrote:

And though revealing that I love her most

was safe and easy--harder to explain--

 

makes a reader think why "love her is safe and easy"?

Ah, but, Lake ... it was not the act of loving her that was safe and easy . Rather, it was the narrator's having revealed that he loves her most, which was somehow "safe and easy."

 

Lake wrote:

and made a partial list of things less painful:

death of a loved one, frostbite, hunger, war.

 

These two lines are alarming, what else can be less painful than these?

I wanted these lines to shock and alarm, and I think most people would agree that the items in the list are distressing.

 

Lake wrote:

 

I noticed that the first line of the second stanza starts half way and I read other poems like that. It must be a technique. But could you please explain to me why you wrote it like that?

I have seen this in other peoples' poems also, but I can only tell you why I did it. I wrote the poem in blank verse (with some occasional rhyme). Ordinarily, within the scheme of the iambic pentameter, the words on the line you are asking about would immediately follow the words on the preceding line. In this case, I felt that there was a sufficient shift of thought to warrant moving the words to at least another line, and I indented like that to show that those words on that line were part of the IP in the preceding line. The only issue I had to resolve was whether to start the quote on the following line and keep it as part of the first stanza or whether to stress the aforementioned shift of thought even more by skipping a line and starting a new stanza. I opted for the stanza break. I presume others have indented like this for similar reasons. Next time I come across it in a poem I am reading, I will take a close look at it and see if it appears that the author indented for the same reason as I.

 

It's nice to see you. I appreciate your interest in this poem!

 

Tony

[Lake]

Thank you very much for your explanation. I read your reply a few times to make sure I understand it. And I think I do now.

 

 

tonyv wrote:

 

I have seen this in other peoples' poems also, but I can only tell you why I did it. I wrote the poem in blank verse (with some occasional rhyme). Ordinarily, within the scheme of the iambic pentameter, the words on the line you are asking about would immediately follow the words on the preceding line. In this case, I felt that there was a sufficient shift of thought to warrant moving the words to at least another line, and I indented like that to show that those words on that line were part of the IP in the preceding line. The only issue I had to resolve was whether to start the quote on the following line and keep it as part of the first stanza or whether to stress the aforementioned shift of thought even more by skipping a line and starting a new stanza. I opted for the stanza break. I presume others have indented like this for similar reasons. Next time I come across it in a poem I am reading, I will take a close look at it and see if it appears that the author indented for the same reason as I.

 

 

I've read some poems with this kind of break but I failed to figure out the reason why. Now I see, at least from your poem.

 

My first two quotes are the places where I need to think. They are not what I have problems with, but they make me think. They are good lines, very effective.

 

Hope you are not thinking I am asking too many questions.

 

Thanks much!

 

Lake

 

PS: It inspired me to try it sometime later.

[tonyv]

Hi again, Lake . I hope my explanation wasn't too convoluted. In a nutshell, I indented the words in question because, metrically, they should be within the preceding line, but I felt there was a sufficient shift of thought to separate them from the preceding words. (In this case, I even put them in a new stanza and not just on the next line).

 

And you're certainly not asking too many questions. I'm excited that the poem gave rise to these questions, that you cared enough to ask, and I have enjoyed answering them to the best of my ability.

 

Tony

[pawn shop]

tonyv wrote:

like rounding this Cape in a hurricane!

 

 

aye matie !

Now pass the rum if you would be so kind

before I lose me temper

[tonyv]

tonyv wrote:

like rounding this Cape in a hurricane!

 

 

aye matie !

Now pass the rum if you would be so kind

before I lose me temper

 

I have a case set aside for you! Nice to see you, Pawnshop!

 

Tony

[Tinker]

Tony, Awesome Sonnet! All of the elements are there. Your meter is spot on and I love the twist.... A lot has already been said of this poem, I can only say I agree. This poem was clever, emotional and modern. I am sorry it took me so long to respond to it.

 

~~Tink

[tonyv]

Thank you, Tinker, for your kind remarks about this poem. I'm thrilled to have your thoughts, too.

 

I myself am so behind on reading and comments. I have been dealing with some terrible computer problems, and that has really taken up a lot of my time. Hopefully, by tomorrow, they should be fixed. I'll keep my fingers crossed.

 

Tony