Against a Blue Sky

[JoelJosol]

------- Revision 2 ---------------

It has been a while

since I let go of words like a stone

shot against a blue sky.

 

It must have been hurtful,

to darken this sky so long,

and to keep pouring over me, gloom.

 

The stone returns and the sky is broken,

with its shards falling on my head.

 

------- Revision 1 ---------------

It has been a while

since I let go of words like a stone

shot against a blue sky.

 

It must have been hurtful,

to darken this sky so long,

and to keep pouring over me, gloom.

 

How I wish the sun would return

like my lover's scent and skin,

to cling on these arms.

 

Without golden sunsets,

the darkness descends again,

only this time, heavier, colder, blacker.

 

The stone returns and the sky is broken,

with its shards falling on my head.

 

-------- Original ---------------

It has been a while I know

since the last time I let go of words

like a stone shot against a blue sky.

 

It must have been hurtful

to darken this sky so long,

to keep pouring over me gloom.

 

I miss the sunshine like a woman's scent,

like her skin pressing against mine,

my arms full of her.

 

I do not see any more golden sunsets,

just darkness descending again, only heavier

like a curtain at the end of a stage play.

 

Please end this long line of one bad

weather after another.

Let me see once more a blue sky.

 

**** Hi guys. Glad to be back. I was sleeping when these lines flowed in my dreams. I woke myself up to write it down and share it here lest I forget it. I thought I will never write a poem again :-)

[dr_con]

And what a dream poem! Rapturous in its portrayal of 'Writer's block,' a contact from the Muse, no doubt @ all;-) REally lovely Joel, suggest 'me gloom' becomes 'my gloom' but otherwise a tasty re-introduction to writing poetry;-) DC&J

[JoelJosol]

Thanks, DC. I decided to revisit this draft, to cut down on the verbosity and create a cohesive theme.

[David W. Parsley]

Nice cut and cohesion, Joel. Striking imagery and tone, danger on the precipice of thought.

 

- Dave

[Benjamin]

I like the revision. It's difficult to retain the essence of thoughts occurring somewhere between sleep and consciousness. Awareness usually creates a spin all of it's own yet those thoughts still remain personal and unique. Thanks for sharing.

[JoelJosol]

Guys, thanks for the read. Work has dulled my energy for writing. Need to psyche myself up.

[JoelJosol]

Revised this poem. Sometimes poems are like adolescents. They have yet to figure out what they want to become :-)

[Tinker]

Wow Joel, It would be a crime if you stopped writing.... I so love seeing this poem's evolution. Thank you. It came a long way from the conversational style of the original to the masterfully crafted piece at the end. What I love most is you never lost the soul of the piece in the process of honing the craft. Thank you Thank you Thank you for sharing this.

 

~~Tink

[JoelJosol]

Tinker, thanks for the read and encouragement. I need to find time going to bookstores and get the inspiration and passion all over again :-)