September

[tonyv]

Now, as the afternoon grows colder, cries
of children playing in the yard at four
on Monday dull with the approaching roar
of UPS at six, and the day dies.
I waver for a moment and arise
to pick a lily from a bed next door.
But can I relish it should I need more
than it can give in scent and to my eyes?
Someone, somewhere, bottles peppers. Smells
of peeled, mashed, oiled, and cooked capsicum bells
waft with intent, a purpose: to cajole
the chickenhearted blossom filcher, "Live
now, or forever forfeit peace, sure soul!"
Oh Lily, I have even less to give.

[Larsen M. Callirhoe]

i was just thinking Tony. We need to get you a girl friend. hehe ... okay seriously this is well construed. i thought the ending would be a surprise. the way i read it was lily was a girl till i reread it laughing my tail off.

 

victor

[tonyv]

Thanks, Victor. But Lily isn't a girl until the end. But, yea, no gurl can stand me for too long, lol.

 

Tony

[Benjamin]

Ah yes! The holidays are over: back to a busy routine.The autumn fosters moments of self-examination, “the other man's grass,” sighs, shrugs and acceptance of one's lot. Interesting rhyme scheme, nicely done. B.

[dr_con]

Loved it Tony completely engaged, brilliant use of language- and just plain fun. thanks for this;-) Juris

[David W. Parsley]

I had to come back to this sonnet a few times to be sure I got the sense of it, Tony. Which means that, while it is whimsically funny, evocative of scene, and just a little melancholy, it is also provocative and original.

 

Likewise original is the rhyme scheme, as Benjamin notes. And here the form seems peculiarly tied into how the poem means. It starts out like one of those Italian sonnets with the signature abba abba octave, stating the "proposition"(uhm, that is a technical term, by coincidence). The original love sonnet structure, it prepared me for the conventional "resolution" sestet, but that was not to be. There is no sestet, but rather a Shakespearean quatrain and couplet, except they are turned upside down, avoiding even the appearance of tidy summary. Instead the couplet is used to insert a definite break between the octect and concluding quatrain. But wait, even that is not quite right, because the "couplet" is not self contained, but sustains thought right on through as part of the pronounced volta. No easy answers here, not for the poet, and not for the reader.

 

So I am left to regard the scent of the subtly flirtatious and poignantly experienced Lily. Agree with Doc's "engaged" comment. And I must take this opportunity to say again, "Only in a poem could this be done as truly."

 

Nice,

- Dave

[Tinker]

Hi Tony, I love this sonnet. David gives perfect summation of the form and it's effect on the tone & theme of this piece. The perfect example of form enhancing the core of the poem, rather than the poem being manipulated to fit the form

Great job.

 

~~Tink

[JoelJosol]

I was led from one enjambment to the other until the exclamation, Tony.