Benjamin Posted October 26, 2012 Share Posted October 26, 2012 Just lately my whole thoughts are turning to words I wish I'd said: before your out bound ship was churning its white wake to some distant shore. I should have listened to the anchor and chain: the groans, the squeals, the rancour of inferred pain. “This is a time that cares not for a lover's mind!” For without you a bleakness enters my life; a creeping fog to tease and cling like Spanish moss on trees. And all our might-have-beens are centred in its grey form, set to release ghosts of missed opportunities. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eclipse Posted October 26, 2012 Share Posted October 26, 2012 extremely good this Benjamin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjamin Posted October 27, 2012 Author Share Posted October 27, 2012 I have a fondness for Onegin stanza. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted October 27, 2012 Share Posted October 27, 2012 Wow! First the poem is beautiful. The extended metaphor, the imagery, mood and excecution of the piece are wonderfully created. You even managed to incorporate the femine / masculine end word patterns of the form which in English is often ignored. Would you mind if I used this poem as an example of the Onegin stanza in the research section? I have already created a link but I would love to include your poem on the page, not everyone follows the links and my example of the form does not master the femine/ masculine end pattern. Your poem is so much better than mine. ~~Tink Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjamin Posted October 28, 2012 Author Share Posted October 28, 2012 Thankyou for your kind review Tink. You are most welcome to use my poem as an example of Onegin stanza in the research section. I'm flattered and also pleased that you like it. B.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dcmarti1 Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 I never knew about that particular rhyme scheme. I just said to myself, "Self", as I read it, "this is quality structure." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David W. Parsley Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 Hi Ben, your piece rouses my curiosity about the form. Nice sound movement takes the interplay of metaphor between chill, pain, and haunted reget. Interesting start with the ironic description of more "whole" thoughts with which to contemplate the incomplete. Thanks, - Dave Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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