So difficult to define (revision)

[Benjamin]

So difficult to define

things hidden behind the veil

of our dark confessional.

Justify their silhouettes

in daylight's perceptive truth.

Find excuses for a trail

of cheap rooms and cigarettes.

Sigh and take my leave of you

knowing we may stand or fall

and wonder if it was all

a glorious waste of time.

 

Return to that hill we climb

towering above a swirl

of mist round the poet's thrall.

Breathe in clear fresh air and let

it guide such parodies through

as reinforce our brief view.

Watch the seasons rise and fall,

rain upon us most of all

a glorious waste of time.

[badger11]

of cheap rooms and cigarettes.

 

I think I wanted more of that B., creates a picture, smell and taste. Do you mean breathe?

 

The repetitions threading stanza 1 to 2 sounded liked a song:

 

 

Watch the seasons rise and fall,

rain upon us most of all

a glorious waste of time.

 

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[Benjamin]

Thanks for picking up on the typo badge, I missed that one. It's so easy to drift into the abstract when writing short lines or to over-do imagery. You are right that poetry should engage all the senses... Many modern song writers (and poets) frown on unnecessary or irrelevent metaphors opting for the tactful use of plain language. B.

[badger11]

Many modern song writers (and poets) frown on unnecessary or irrelevent metaphors opting for the tactful use of plain language.

 

Many

modern

frown

unnecessary

irrelevent

tactful

plain

 

Nicely weighted sentence B.

 

Personally if the writer enjoys writing in unfashionable/fashionable ways...then do it...life's too short...or if it's long...fashions change

 

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[Benjamin]

"Memories" sung by Elaine Page from the musical "Cats" is on the radio. The lyrics are inspirational.