JoelJosol Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 I remember catching the glow of her eyes like the early sun beaming across a cloudless sky for miles. Both eyes squinting from the way her cheeks would rise, their lines shooting like sun rays to meet mine. I remember the warmth from her glance, with my skin turn golden under a blue sky. I do not wish to look away, letting light fall all over while it lasts, a lovely, transient thing. I remember when all were mine. Quote "Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 Hi JoelJosol, I love how you close this poem - from an intensity of details of intimacy to a sense of loss. goldenlangur Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 Very emotional and poetical expressed poem Joel. I love this poem. the lines are very well ordered and all poem goes in a spirit of love and feelings. Nostalgic is included too on voiceless way. Wonderful done aleksandra Quote The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
summayya Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 Beautiful and heartfelt Joel! From the details of closeness to the loss mentioned in the end was wonderful. Really enjoyed. And beautiful title too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 This is beautiful Joel. I ditto the above comments. . . I do have one suggestion, I think that the word "those" in the penultimate line is unnessary (with the word "all" the reader instinctively assumes you refer to the above images) and to my ear the word "those" is clunky and unpoetic. But if you have to keep it, grammaticaly it should be "of those". Just another perspective.... You know I have to look hard to come up with stuff like that, I should have left it at ... "beautiful Joel", which it is, just like it is. ~~Tink Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoelJosol Posted May 15, 2009 Author Share Posted May 15, 2009 Hi Tink, thanks for that extra effort. I learned something there. Quote "Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billydo Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 Good descriptive memories with an unexpected twist at the end. Nice one! Cheers Mike Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 I agree with the others. For me, the last line effectively closes out the image of the early sun beaming across a cloudless sky/for miles, an image which lingers like a photon in my mind's eye. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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