eclipse Posted November 14, 2012 Share Posted November 14, 2012 In a dream I watched you fade into Heaven's gates you do not exist on this server peering into a window I see you dreaming with class mates. My grief lifts as the chaplain narrates this your final chapter by death the author in a dream I watch you fade into Heaven's gates. I must navigate oblivion as deathly protocol dictates grief bleeds me-life and death are a blur peering into a window I see you dreaming with class mates. How I shiver as the world inversely rotates and night and day now do not border In a dream I watched you fade into Heaven's gates. I have prayed for the dates when I will exist on your server peering into a window I see you dreaming with class mates. Earthly skies fade as my soul migrates I hope the flames of Hell are tender In a dream I watched you fade into Heaven's gates peering into a window I see you dreaming with class mates. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted November 14, 2012 Share Posted November 14, 2012 Hi eclipse, This is an interesting piece using a touch of formal framing a little like the Terza Rima with a twist on the interlocking rhyme yet the content is modern with the allusion to the cyber world. I like it. ~~Tink Correction as astutely caught by Dave this is a Villanelle not Terza Rima. Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David W. Parsley Posted November 15, 2012 Share Posted November 15, 2012 Barry, I like this variation on the villanelle form. (Sorry, Tink, beat you to the punch... ;-) Interesting use of the refraining potentialities. I hope you don't really see yourself dodging into those 'tender' things... - Dave Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted November 15, 2012 Share Posted November 15, 2012 LOL, I knew there was another form this emulated that was closer but couldn't grab it from my brain. In fact Dylan Thomas's Do Not Go Gentle. Into That Good Night kept ringing in my brain when I was thinking about the structure. That should have been a clue. Duh! But the point being the merging of traditional form & the modern content. Good catch Dave . Nice poem Barry. ~~Tink Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badger11 Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 This writing has imagination, intensity and control. I like. One suggestion I know the flames of Hell are tender Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dcmarti1 Posted November 20, 2012 Share Posted November 20, 2012 "I have prayed for the dates when I will exist on your server" Those lines and the title must make this THE most unique villanelle ever written. And, ah! Badger11, I absolutely love your universalist theology -- the post above. As Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons would say: "Best. Villanelle. Ever." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted November 20, 2012 Share Posted November 20, 2012 I love this poem. I don't say it often, but I wish I wrote this one. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eclipse Posted November 20, 2012 Author Share Posted November 20, 2012 well thank you everyone Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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