pawn shop Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 All day yesterday right up until 8 pm was feelin' no pain, as they say. This morning, however, I felt pain ohh boy, did I feel pain hung-over, wallet empty...ect... the whole bit made it to work and wrote this down : Saw a prostitute with her pimp at the bar yesterday it was about 4-5 pm never saw them in there before Him, crafty and meaner.... her, chubby, eyes rollin', blonde, wierd smile him, dirt-bag, her, same thing most likely boyfriend and girlfriend maybe passing through town, broke. Druggies They followed me outside when I had a smoke with Christina for a second, I thought they were going to mug us they smoked, looked at us, quietly conversing with themselves and thats when 'it dawned on me' a prostitute with her pimp I went back into the bar with Christina and began to wonder how much money the pimp would of charged me for her services and where exactly would the dirty deed happen behind the bar-dumpster ? behind a tree ? What an odd trade to ply I'd rather spend my money on booze, thank you very much ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larsen M. Callirhoe Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 it is sad women retort to this sort of lifestyle. your poetry is so interesting to read as of late. keep writing friend. lsrsen aka victor Quote Larsen M. Callirhoe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billydo Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 I enjoyed the stream of consciousness touch to this. A nice write IMHO! cheers Mike Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 pawn shop wrote: I went back into the bar with Christina and began to wonder how much money the pimp would of charged me for her services and where exactly would the dirty deed happen behind the bar-dumpster ? behind a tree? Questions we have all been afraid to ask. Inquiring minds want to know ... Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larsen M. Callirhoe Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 i have a funny question for you just jokingly of course tony who says anytype of sex is a dirty deed no matter the culprit lol seriously though. he-he! i think jonathan was being sarcastic though. victor aka larsen Quote Larsen M. Callirhoe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 what an funny poem Jonathan . Much enjoyed . And yes clever done on the end Aleksandra Quote The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 Hi pawnshop, The prevailing sense in your poem here is a sense of being lost - the protagonist "hung over, wallet empty". But more tragically, the "prostitute" and her "pimp". These descriptions suggest a casualness with which relations and emotions are treated: pawn shop wrote: Him, crafty and meaner.... her, chubby, eyes rollin', blonde, wierd smile him, dirt-bag, her, same thing most likely boyfriend and girlfriend maybe passing through town, broke. .... and began to wonder how much money the pimp would of charged me for her services and where exactly would the dirty deed happen behind the bar-dumpster ? behind a tree ? What an odd trade to ply The protagonist's questioning brings out this tragic exploitative and demeaning relationship between the girl and the pimp. Well drawn out scenario and characters make this an absorbing read. goldenlangur Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank E Gibbard Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 Quite a walk on the wild side Jon and a peek at the seedy. This atmosphere of salaciousness bleeds off the page and your protagonists are what you made of them a pair of deadbeats. Glad I am nonesuch inhabit my local. But thanks for the trip into uncharted territory. Frank Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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