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Birdsong


goldenlangur
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goldenlangur

A bird in my head sings when the moon is full

of carnelian caves in subterranean lakes

where cobras play; but it never tells me the way.

 

 

goldenlangur

goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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Aleksandra
A bird in my head sings when the moon is full

of carnelian caves in subterranean lakes

where cobras play; but it never tells me the way.

 

Wonderful , Excellent goldenlangur. You made here a good job. Very wise that you use on that way the punctuation. And that is making very deep this short piece. Expressions are pretty wild and calm - and the end you are shooting the point of the poem

 

I love this short poem by you.

 

Aleksandra

The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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goldenlangur

So glad Aleksandra that this piece works for. Just trying out shorter poems and how to use some punctuation unlike the haiku and tanka! So your compliment is much appreciated.

 

 

 

goldenlangur icon_biggrin.png

goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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Golden,

 

I've got an expectant and mystic feeling from reading this poem.

It has very nice sound too, such as carnelian and subterranean, caves, lakes, play and way.

 

Cheers,

 

Lake

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Lake and Alek make excellent points about the form and poetic devices. It seems this night bird sings of a magical, mystical place. It has to be. After all, it's a place where "cobras play," and the narrator longs to be there.

 

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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goldenlangur

Hi Lake,

 

Lovely to see you around! Thank you for a fantastic reading of this piece:

 

Lake wrote:

 

I've got an expectant ... feeling from reading this poem.

 

 

Lake

 

"mystic" is too generous icon_redface.gif But I'm so glad that you enjoyed the sounds.

 

With appreciation,

 

goldenlangur

goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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goldenlangur

Hi Tony,

 

For a newbie to poetic forms, I'm chuffed, as my English friends would say, that you think this piece merits any mention in that respect!

 

"magical, mystical place" is lovely! And yes, definitely a longing to visit and perhaps tarry a little

icon_smile.gif

 

Thank you so much.

 

goldenlangur

goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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Your poem always depicts the picture of apathy type nature. sometimes it feels that this is the picture where my childhood smiled.

 

 

thanks for remembering again, but i am always afraid of snakes, specially the dreadfull cobra coz' it doesn't like people very well!

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goldenlangur

Hello bloodyday,

 

How right you are!:

 

 

Bloodyday wrote:

 

Your poem always depicts the picture of apathy type nature.

 

 

Nature seems like a mute witness to human foibles or is it? I'm not quite sure but I'm learning all the while.

 

Thank you for your thoughts. Definitely, wise to keep away from the cobra icon_wink.gif

 

 

goldenlangur

goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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