Tattoos.... a rewrite.

[Benjamin]

The darkest and lightest of affiliations:

badges of fashion.. of ancient ideals.

Multiple colours that exhibit the soul

like a mango:

halved, cut and turned inside out.

Food: for a curious world

of make believe scrolls,

symbols and studied fears;

where murder and death stand

with loyalty, faith and honour

and love is still the greatest prize.

 

Thieves of attention:

indelible outcasts of the unblemished.

The tribal mindset of refugees-in-ink:

an aspect of the self, with singular

yet overlapping shields,

a synergy of the past,

an identity..... today.

[Benjamin]

This is my second attempt at writing something reasonably interesting on this subject. It followed a good natured conversation with friends.. who seemed more amused at the profusion of tattoos on corpulent flesh of (mainly unattractive) devotees. It's a subject that touches many others so I've tried to be fairly concise without being cryptic.B.

[badger11]

The darkest and lightest of affiliations:

badges of fashion.. of ancient ideals.

Multiple colours that exhibit the soul

like a mango:

halved, cut and turned inside out.

Food: for a curious world

of make believe scrolls,

symbols and studied fears;

where murder and death stand

with loyalty, faith and honour

and love is still the greatest prize.

 

As I read this part of your poem little illuminations of understanding were registering. The delivery of the mango was inspired. Fab.

 

badge

[Benjamin]

Thanks for your comments badge. I'll probably have another stab at this from a different angle.

[fdelano]

Geoff, as usual, I react to your work in my own fashion. The "badges of fashion" are reminiscent of military ribbons and medals--worthless bits of color intended to retain the recipients' fidelity. Thank you for a poem I can personalize.

[Benjamin]

It's not a great stretch to include street art/graffiti along with other such things that have secular personal meanings for those who subscribe to their existence. G.

[douglas]

fabulous!

[Tinker]

Hi, I haven't seen the original but this revision is certainly a polished poem. I loved this line " The tribal mindset of refugees-in-ink:" .Yes a rite of passage.

 

My husband has a couple from when he was in the service (He is a vet of the Korean War.) No tats on me but women of my generation rarely got them Thank God. Some tatoos look cool on the young but as we age they just become a blob of ugly but of course the young can't imagine themselves old.

 

~~Tink

[Benjamin]

Thanks for reading douglas.

 

Tink. The original was written in triquains but didn't feel right somehow.