Bloodyday Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 You called in my cell phone I just watched the sunny day! Your tears dripping like pearls threw your cell away! I gave a call back Your cell is in the garbage This is our relationship about to break in last stage! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larsen M. Callirhoe Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 great metahor bloodyday. excellent poem. you conveyed you message that was compact and excellent my friend. excellent lines and metaphor here. Your cell is in the garbage This is our relationship about to break in last stage victor Quote Larsen M. Callirhoe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 Hi Bloodyday, This reads painful. The "cell phone" symbolizing the break down in communication works well - what irony and poignancy! goldenlangur Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 I agree with Victor and Golden. The cell phone metaphor is quite effective. Garbage is also a powerful word in this context, and the part where you watched the sunny day demonstrates in a subtle way how you have lost your patience with the relationship. Nice to see you, Bloodyday. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 Ah what a separation Bloodyday, so somehow passing each other without meeting, bc of something and yes the time can't stop, sometime can be late. You expressed wonderful this poem. I like the metaphor too/ Thank you for sharing Alek Quote The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bloodyday Posted May 16, 2009 Author Share Posted May 16, 2009 aleksandra says Ah what a separation Bloodyday, so somehow passing each other without meeting, bc of something and yes the time can't stop, sometime can be late. Actually my life is full of complex, and now i am passing a horrible phase. same day i called her, she felt annoyed and scolded me with some slangs. my eyes filled with tears. people changes as usual but some changes hurt most. addiction is the worst solution, sometimes could provide remedy but at the end destroyes everything. so i left these apart but some emotions, love, smiles can never be forgot. still everything is not more beautiful than her: How silly i am! i think i need a doc! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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